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Big salary is more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? v.4

Big salary is more important than job satisfaction. v. 4
It is often argued that high remuneration is more significant than contentment at the workplace. In my opinion, I completely agree with this statement as earning high wage greatly benefits an individual to stay blissful and motivated. Firstly, having a hefty pay scale helps a person to stay exultant. To explain, when an individual receives a fat paycheck, he or she can afford an exquisite lifestyle which everyone desires. secondly they can purchase a lavish home and luxury cars to provide themselves and their children a comfortable living. In addition, it boosts staff member’s mood and prevent against dissatisfaction and distressed. To illustrate further, in a recent survey, it was reported that 55% of individuals are afflicted with constant stress because they are not satisfied with their pay scale. Above-average salary, therefore, can improve physical health as employees will be able to afford comfortable living. Another important reason is that high income keeps an individual motivated at work. This is because when a firm pays high salaries to their workforce, they feel contented and passionate about their job. In other words, to propitiate the benefits a company provided to an employee, the staff works with more efficacy and tenacity. As a result, it propels the growth of both the individual and the company. For example, in 2018 in China the yearly performance of a firm grew exponentially after they had announced an increase in salaries of its employees. In conclusion, I consider that having a bigger income boosts happiness and keeps an individual encouraged to work which ultimately induces fulfilment in their lives.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
remuneration is more significant than contentment at the workplace. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement as earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
wage
greatly
benefits an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to stay blissful and motivated.

Firstly
, having a hefty pay scale
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a person to stay exultant. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, when an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
receives a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
paycheck, he or she can afford an exquisite lifestyle which everyone desires.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a lavish home and luxury cars to provide themselves and their children a comfortable living.
In addition
, it boosts staff member’s mood and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
against dissatisfaction and distressed. To illustrate
further
, in a recent survey, it
was reported
that 55% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are afflicted
with constant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not satisfied with their pay scale. Above-average salary,
therefore
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
physical health as employees will be able to afford comfortable living.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
motivated at work. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when a firm pays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salaries to their workforce, they feel contented and passionate about their job.
In other words
, to propitiate the benefits a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
provided to an employee, the staff works with more efficacy and tenacity.
As a result
, it propels the growth of both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
For example
, in 2018 in China the yearly performance of a firm grew
exponentially
after they had announced an increase in salaries of its employees.

In conclusion
, I consider that having a bigger income boosts happiness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
encouraged
Did you mean "working"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'encourage' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to work
which
ultimately
induces
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Big salary is more important than job satisfaction. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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