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besity is now a major global epidemic. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to tackle this increasingly co

besity is now a major global epidemic. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to tackle this increasingly co m21P8
In recent years, the World Health Organisation has listed obesity as an international problem. There are numerous reasons for this situation and several solutions should be adopted to solve it. There are two main reasons that have lead to this epidemic. Firstly, a majority of people are having unhealthy eating habits and do not have an appropriate menu for their meals. Fast foods such as fried chickens are consumed regularly by people of all ages, while others are addicted to smoking or alcohol, and therefore obesity is unavoidable. For instance, Americans' consumption of fast foods is one of the highest in the world, thus a number of their population suffer from obesity chronically. Secondly, in contemporary society, people often spend their time on their smartphones or other forms of entertainment instead of doing physical exercise. Along with the increase in unhealthy food consumption, they are unable to transform the energy they had from foods and that has lead to overweight. Clearly, obesity is a worldwide disaster and society should take measurements to prevent this. One way to solve this problem is to change our eating habits and meals. Specifically, instead of only consuming meat or your favorite foods, meals with suitable nutrition and vitamins are much better. Furthermore, fast-food advertisements should also be restricted on national media, and government can replace them with a guideline for everyone to have a healthy and nutritious meal. In addition, exercising has a key role in stopping the overweight epidemic and gaining a robust body. In particular, adults need only 15 minutes a day to do the exercise properly, whereas schools should spend the same time for students to do physical activities or take up some sports in the break-time. In conclusion, an unhealthy diet and the lack of time for exercising have contributed primarily to this epidemic. We should all change our eating habits and do more physical activities to prevent this phenomenon.
In recent years, the World Health
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisation' is British English.
Organisation
has listed obesity as an international problem. There are numerous reasons for this situation and several solutions should
be adopted
to solve it.

There are two main reasons that have lead to this epidemic.
Firstly
, a majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are having unhealthy eating habits and do not have an appropriate menu for their meals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
such as fried chickens
are consumed
regularly
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of all ages, while others
are addicted
to smoking or alcohol, and
therefore
obesity is unavoidable.
For instance
, Americans' consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
is one of the highest in the world,
thus
a number of their population suffer from obesity
chronically
.
Secondly
, in contemporary society,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
spend their time on their smartphones or other forms of entertainment
instead
of doing physical exercise. Along with the increase in unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumption, they are unable to transform the energy they had from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and that has lead to overweight.

Clearly
, obesity is a worldwide disaster and society should take measurements to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this. One way to solve this problem is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our eating habits and meals.
Specifically
,
instead
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
consuming meat or your favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, meals with suitable nutrition and vitamins are much better.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food advertisements should
also
be restricted
on national media, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can replace them with a guideline for everyone to have a healthy and nutritious meal.

In addition
, exercising has a key role in stopping the overweight epidemic and gaining a robust body.
In particular
, adults need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15 minutes a day to do the exercise
properly
, whereas schools should spend the same time for students to do physical activities or take up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sports in the break-time.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, an unhealthy diet and the lack of time for exercising have contributed
primarily
to this epidemic. We should all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our eating habits and do more physical activities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this phenomenon.
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IELTS essay besity is now a major global epidemic. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to tackle this increasingly co

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
320 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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