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Being involved in the arts makes people feel better. To what to extent do you agree or disagree?

Being involved in the arts makes people feel better. To what to extent g5Gm3
Today, many people discussing about being involved in the arts. Some of them think that arts make them happy by reducing stress and some other believe that arts it will be just a waste of time. Therefore, there are many advantages and disadvantage to this issue. First of all, being involved in the arts, people can expand their horizons by knowing cultures, customs and traditions, from all over the world. For example, by visiting a museum people through the exhibition can meet a new civilization for them from the past. Arts, it is also a type of entertainment and many people choose them because they are a good way to spend their time and relieve stress. In addition, by choosing a dance such as ballet, people can become stronger and healthier than those who choose another art form. Moreover, many films, including documentaries, can help us understand better what disaster have done to nature and help them discover what they should do better to change the world, such as more recycling. On the other hand, people might consider that arts as a waste of time. For example, they may be indifferent and find it boring to visit museums or a gallery. Additionally, the price of art as well may also have disadvantages. For instance, if the price of a painting is too expensive, people may not be able to afford it. Finally, there are films such as dramas, which are made with the intention of eliciting an emotional response. Some viewers consider the end of the drama remarkable and others are provoked by negative emotions. In conclusion, I believe that there is no answer to this, it depends on the individual and the type of arts. Personally, I consider that being involved with arts makes me feel happy because I am really attracted by them.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
discussing about
being involved
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy by reducing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "others"?
other
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
it will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a waste of time.
Therefore
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages and disadvantage to this issue.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
being involved
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can expand their horizons by knowing cultures, customs and traditions, from all over the world.
For example
, by visiting a museum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
through the exhibition can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
a new civilization for them from the past.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
, it is
also
a type of entertainment and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to spend their time and relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
In addition
, by choosing a dance such as ballet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can become stronger and healthier than those who choose another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
form.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
films, including documentaries, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us understand better what disaster have done to nature and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them discover what they should do better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the world, such as more recycling.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
as a waste of time.
For example
, they may be indifferent and find it boring to visit museums or a gallery.
Additionally
, the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
as well
may
also
have disadvantages.
For instance
, if the price of a painting is too expensive,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may not be able to afford it.
Finally
, there are films such as dramas, which
are made
with the intention of eliciting an emotional response.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
viewers consider the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the drama remarkable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
are provoked
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
emotions.

In conclusion
, I believe that there is no answer to this, it depends on the individual and the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
Personally
, I consider that
being involved
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me feel happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I am
really
attracted by them.
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IELTS essay Being involved in the arts makes people feel better. To what to extent

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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