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Being a celebrity such as a famous film star Sports Personality brings problems as well as benefits do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems ?

Being a celebrity such as a famous film star Sports Personality brings problems as well as benefits do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? G7GQ
people who gain popularity by their work are celebrated all over the world. They are the one for whom people pay money to watch either life or to television. In fact, such well known personality enjoy tremendous advantages during their work tenure and even after they retire. However, to understand the reason why I agree that they get more benefits let's discuss below briefly. what are the most important advantages of being a star in any field beat acting or playing is that they gain popularity very rapidly. With increasing popularity there work commitment also increases therefore they are entitled to get high payment. This is the reason for example people who do reality shows like big boss or roadies. Bollywood stars like Shilpa Shetty whose career was once falling low gained instant attention once she won a reality show in UK. Secondly once an individual become a common household name they are invited to join politics because it is believed that such personalities are very influential in driving the political scenario of the country. as the common people watch them in television they become so biased by their character that they believe whatever they promised during their political campaign can never go wrong. For example it is extremely common nowadays to see cricketers like Navjot Singh Sidhu or Imran Khan as well as Bollywood stars like Rekha as a political leader representing a region or state. Thirdly when a person attain stardom then his lifestyle changes. They tend to enjoy most luxurious way of life. They can afford to get the best in any amenities of life suggests sending their children abroad for education or getting an expensive beauty treatment done in foreign country. There are many examples of rags to riches such as the famous pop musician Ed Sheeran Ed Sheeran who did not have any shelter is now the owner of multiple bungalows and travels around the world for his concerts. Therefore to conclude it can be said that being a star brings privileges in every walks of life. All over the world people through their work want to get the position of a celebrity to become well the enrich as well as to gain love and respect from common people
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
who gain popularity by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
are celebrated
all over the world. They are the one for whom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
or to television. In fact, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
known personality enjoy tremendous advantages during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
tenure and even after they retire.
However
, to understand the reason why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more benefits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's discuss below
briefly
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
what
are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
advantages of being a star in any field beat acting or playing is that they gain popularity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rapidly
. With increasing popularity there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
commitment
also
increases
therefore
they
are entitled
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high payment. This is the reason
for example
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
boss or roadies. Bollywood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shilpa
Shetty whose career was once falling low gained instant attention once she won a reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
in UK.

Secondly
once an individual become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
common
household name they
are invited
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
politics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
is believed
that such personalities are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
influential in driving the political scenario of the country.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
them in television they become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
biased by their character that they believe whatever they promised during their political campaign can never go
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. For
The comma is probably missing here: "example, it".
example it
is
extremely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
common
nowadays to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
cricketers like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Navjot
Singh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sidhu
or
Possible spelling mistake found.
Imran
Khan as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as Bollywood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rekha
as a political leader representing a region or state.

Thirdly
when a person attain stardom then his lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
. They tend to enjoy most luxurious way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. They can afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best in any amenities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
suggests sending their children abroad for education or getting an expensive beauty treatment done in foreign country. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
examples of rags to riches such as the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
pop musician
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "Ed Sheeran".
Ed Sheeran Ed Sheeran
who did not have any shelter is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the owner of multiple bungalows and travels around the world for his concerts.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
to conclude
it can
be said
that being a star brings privileges in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "walk"?
walks
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. All over the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
through their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the position of a celebrity to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'enrich' is correct. If 'enrich' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the enrich
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as to gain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and respect from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
common
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
people
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IELTS essay Being a celebrity such as a famous film star Sports Personality brings problems as well as benefits do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
373 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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