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All student should be required to study art and music in secondary school

All student should be required to study art and music in secondary school Borm
I totally agree with this view because music and art are an excellent way of uniting pupils of all ages music and art help to take therapeutic benefits for kids and teenagers. to commence with, the main benefit of art and music help pupils to enhance their knowledge about their tradition, culture, folks and national song. if pupis should not be demanded by school, artwork, folk music and internal songs are completely ignored by young generations. . Moreover, during art and music subjects learners who have mental stress in specific subjects, they can relax, sing song, draw picture and obtain the solution for their problem. Also they keep the mind healthy and also promote adequate sleep. for example doctors and psychologists utilize songs to divert patients and people's attention once in ablue moon. on the other hand, one possible drawback is that adolescents who want to learn mathematic, chemistry and any languages waste time for non-specific subjects in during lesson. Because it is more important to become competent in their definite science. They dedicate whole time to increase their ability with tutor. So teenagers feel fritter time and money. Because each person have own talent, who admire art who loves working numbers. In conclusion, I completely agree. All students study art and music in school to get enrich spiritual and historical knowledge by learning our traditional and cultural artworks and music.
I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
are an excellent way of uniting pupils of all ages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to take therapeutic benefits for kids and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
commence with, the main benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
pupils to enhance their knowledge about their tradition, culture, folks and national song.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
Possible spelling mistake found.
pupis
should not
be demanded
by school, artwork, folk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and internal songs are completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
by young generations.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Moreover
, during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
subjects learners
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in specific subjects, they can relax,
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
sing song
, draw picture and obtain the solution for their problem.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the mind healthy and
also
promote adequate sleep.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example doctors and psychologists utilize songs to divert patients and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attention once in
Possible spelling mistake found.
ablue
moon.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the other hand, one possible drawback is that adolescents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
want to learn mathematic, chemistry and any languages waste time for non-specific subjects in during lesson.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to become competent in their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
science. They dedicate whole time to increase their ability with tutor.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
feel fritter time and money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
each person have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
talent,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
admire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
working numbers.

In conclusion
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. All students study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in school to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
enrich spiritual and historical knowledge by learning our traditional and cultural artworks and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
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IELTS essay All student should be required to study art and music in secondary school

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
231 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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