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Bar Graph analyze about the average salary

Bar Graph analyze about the average salary rGye6
This essay will summarize the most important data information from two charts. The pie chart demonstrates information about the age at which people left full time education. While the bar graph illustrates information about the average salary in a period of two years after entering the workforce. Overall, in the pie chart, it can be observed that with 54% of students leaving school after 24 years, however, the bar graph shows information that before 16 years, the average student salary was over 16 pounds. According to the first graph, with a small percentage of 3% of students leaving school before 16 years and a considerable percentage of 54% of students leaving school after 24 years. Considering the period of two years after leaving education. As shown in graph two, the average salary before 16 years was significantly over of 16 pounds, and between 22 to 24 years, the average salary was approximately 24 pounds.
This essay will summarize the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
data
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information
from two charts. The pie chart demonstrates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about the age at which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
full time education. While the bar
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graph
illustrates
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information
about the
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average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
in a period of two years after entering the workforce.

Overall
, in the pie chart, it can
be observed
that with 54% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
leaving school after 24 years,
however
, the bar
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graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
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information
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
16 years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
was over
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
16 pounds
.

According to the
first
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graph
, with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
percentage of 3% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
leaving school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
16 years and a considerable percentage of 54% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
leaving school after 24 years.

Considering the period of two years after leaving education. As shown in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
two, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
16 years was
significantly
over of
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
16 pounds
, and
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 22 and 24".
between 22 to 24
years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
was approximately
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
24 pounds
.
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IELTS essay Bar Graph analyze about the average salary

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
154 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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