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Avoiding preventable illnesses is the ressponsibility of individuals and their families, not goverments

Avoiding preventable illnesses is the ressponsibility of individuals and their families, not goverments 25RNA
The discovery of COVID-19 found in China in 2109 has been a primary health issue in the world. This virus attacks the human respiratory system and caused a lot of victims to die in many countries. Some people believe that taking care of themselves and their families is the government's responsibility. I contradict the statement and think our health is our responsibility. Firstly, being surrounded by COVID-19 right now requires a lot of awareness from the people themselves. The governments have released some rules and regulations to prevent the spread of COVID-19. There are rules such as lockdown, not gather with many people, wearing a mask, and so on. The decision to follow these rules or not depends on the people themselves. COVID-19 can prevent by strengthening our immune system. The human body has an immune system to fight viruses and bacteria that cause disease. Eating nutritious food, exercising regularly, managing stress well, and so on are ways that can be done to strengthen the body's resistance, Another point to consider is that the government is responsible to protect the people but is not fully borne by the government. Authority has provided health standards and health education like how to prevent the spreading of COVID-19. But some people choose to break these rules and got infected. In Indonesia, itself touched 907. 929 cases ranked 4th in the contributor to corona cases as of January 2021. To conclude, governments indeed have a role in terms of protecting their people from preventable viruses. The most important thing is back to the people themselves, whether they want to do their part of maintaining their healthiness or not.
The discovery of COVID-19 found in China in 2109 has been a primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issue in the world. This virus attacks the human respiratory system and caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
victims to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that taking care of themselves and their families is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's responsibility. I contradict the statement and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is our responsibility.

Firstly
,
being surrounded
by COVID-19 right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
awareness from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
themselves. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
have released
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and regulations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the spread of COVID-19. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
such as lockdown, not gather with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, wearing a mask, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. The decision to follow these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
or not depends on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
themselves. COVID-19 can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
by strengthening our immune system. The human body has an immune system to fight viruses and bacteria that cause disease. Eating nutritious food, exercising
regularly
, managing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
well, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on are ways that can
be done
to strengthen the body's resistance,

Another point to consider is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is responsible to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is not
fully
borne by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. Authority has provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
standards and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education like how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the spreading of COVID-19.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to break these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
infected. In Indonesia, itself touched 907. 929 cases ranked 4th in the contributor to corona cases as of January 2021.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
indeed
have a role in terms of protecting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from preventable viruses. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is back to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
themselves, whether they want to do their part of maintaining their healthiness or not.
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IELTS essay Avoiding preventable illnesses is the ressponsibility of individuals and their families, not goverments

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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