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Average age of couples having children is increasing. Some people say it should be reduced. What is your opinion

Average age of couples having children is increasing. Some people say it should be reduced. What is your opinion xDe7N
In this contemporary era, both men and women are choosing to have children later in their life. Some people argue that it should be reduced. In my opinion the average age of couples having children should be decreased to their mid to late 30s. To commence with, the most significant trade off of this relate to maturity and health of couples. Firstly, with regards to families, it can be more difficult for older women to get pregnant and they may experience more health problems, such as a miscarriage, high blood pressure or diabetes, during pregnancy. Moreover, if a couple wait until late in life to raise a child and they delay the experience gained. In detail, parenthood is a life altering milestone and defining moment of adulthood; so, they may later regret their decision. Further more, Long term falling of Fertility rates will mean an aging population with a lack of young people to work and take care of the elderly. To exemplify, government of India conducted a survey upon fertility rate of couples and it revealed that about 80 % of mid aged couples are infertile. Nonetheless, late parenthood do have a positive side. Firstly, most young parents are not in an ideal situation in their career. Many working parents earn low salaries and work long hours. Once they have a child that means the majority of their day is occupied and they may feel trapped and overburdened. It is then difficult to switch careers or move to a new location as well as afford all the expenses incumbent on parents. This often results in parents becoming resentful and projecting their animosity towards their children or significant other. In contrast, parents who are firmly established in their careers, earn decent salaries, and have savings set aside have both the time and energy to devote to raising their children well without having to stress about making ends meet. In conclusion, despite marginal risks concerning the opportunity and experience, it is an overall positive for financial reasons that many prospective parents are putting off childbirth. Therefore, this trend should be welcomed and encouraged.
In this contemporary era, both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women are choosing to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
later in their life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. In my opinion the average age of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be decreased
to their mid to late 30s.

To commence with, the most significant trade off of this relate to maturity and health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
.
Firstly
,
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
families, it can be more difficult for older women to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
pregnant and
they may experience more health problems, such as a miscarriage, high blood pressure or diabetes, during pregnancy.
Moreover
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couple
wait until late in life to raise a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
child and
they delay the experience gained. In detail, parenthood is a life altering milestone and defining moment of adulthood;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they may later regret their decision.
Further
more, Long term falling of Fertility rates will mean an aging population with a lack of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to work and take care of the elderly. To exemplify,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of India conducted a survey upon fertility rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
and it revealed that about 80 % of mid aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
are infertile.

Nonetheless, late parenthood do have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side.
Firstly
, most young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not in an ideal situation in their career.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
earn low salaries and work long hours. Once they have a child that means the majority of their day is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
occupied and
they may feel trapped and overburdened. It is then difficult to switch careers or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to a new location
as well
as afford all the expenses incumbent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
becoming resentful and projecting their animosity towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or significant other.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who are
firmly
established in their careers, earn decent salaries, and have savings set aside have both the time and energy to devote to raising their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
well without having to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
about making ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.

In conclusion
, despite marginal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
concerning the opportunity and experience, it is an
overall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
for financial reasons that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
prospective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are putting off childbirth.
Therefore
, this trend should
be welcomed
and encouraged.
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IELTS essay Average age of couples having children is increasing. Some people say it should be reduced. What is your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
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Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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