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At the present time, while a number of people polarize that international sporting events are an opportunity to encourage world peace between traditionally opposed nations

At the present time, while a number of people polarize that international sporting events are an opportunity to encourage world peace between traditionally opposed nations M35Ak
At the present time, while a number of people polarize that international sporting events are an opportunity to encourage world peace between traditionally opposed nations, others concede that it would be dangerous and worsen the relationship of these nations. In my concrete, I lean toward the previous view. First, organizing activities like festivals, gatherings, cultural shows when opening and ending will promote mutual understanding because of historical or political reasons, not all the countries are in harmony with each other. When holding these activities, athletes, audiences will get more information about other nations, thus they will have a better relationship. For illustration, Olympic games in which the whole world can be brought together and this has a positive influence on maintaining global harmony. In addition, the attendence of world leaders in important matches like the final round or awarding medals can bring many benificial impacts because it will be the space to socialize and increase diplomatic relationships between these nations. As a result, that can help solve global issues such as war, economic crisis, pandemic, and so on. On the other hand, some might fear that international sporting events can spread the pandemic. To explain, it is a large-scale event, many people around the world will gather and attend, thus the risk of infection is very high and it will lead to chaos. However, now with advanced medical technology, we have many measures to prevent the spread of disease. Although international sporting events lead to some risks, it brings great meaning like: sportsmanship, martial arts, connecting different cultural backgrounds which outweigh the minimal impacts of negative. In conclusion, it is strongly believed that sports games bring happiness and peace between nations. Whether they are commonwealth or Olympic games, they create an emotional relationship among the people.
At the present time, while a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
polarize that international sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are an opportunity to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
peace between
traditionally
opposed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, others concede that it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and worsen the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. In my concrete, I lean toward the previous view.

First
, organizing activities like festivals, gatherings, cultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
when opening and ending will promote mutual understanding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of historical or political reasons, not all the countries are in harmony with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. When holding these activities, athletes, audiences will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
,
thus
they will have a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
. For illustration,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Olympic games
in which the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
can
be brought
together and this has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence on maintaining global harmony.

In addition
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
attendence
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
leaders in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
matches like the final round or awarding medals can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
benificial
impacts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will be the space to socialize and increase diplomatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
between these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
As a result
, that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
solve global issues such as war, economic crisis, pandemic, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might fear that international sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
can spread the pandemic. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, it is a large-scale
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
will gather and attend,
thus
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of infection is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high and it will lead to chaos.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
with advanced medical technology, we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the spread of disease. Although international sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
, it brings great meaning like: sportsmanship, martial arts, connecting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultural backgrounds which outweigh the minimal impacts of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.

In conclusion
, it is
strongly
believed that sports games bring happiness and peace between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. Whether they are commonwealth or
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Olympic games
, they create an emotional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
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IELTS essay At the present time, while a number of people polarize that international sporting events are an opportunity to encourage world peace between traditionally opposed nations

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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