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you choose a job you must think about the money first

you choose a job you must think about the money first QKxyK
Some people claim that when you choose a job you must think about the money first, but I don’t agree with that fully. I believe that doing something you love, will inevitably bring you success and a good amount of money. One advantage is that when you do a job you enjoy, the time spent working passes by quickly and productively and it doesn’t feel boring or like a burden. Nevertheless some tasks could be different from what you usually like to do, so you need to adapt. In addition, the work that you do can be something that provides you to travel and visit the world or maybe you can work from home and spend time with your family or friends. However this depends on the job and the people that you work with, as well as your free time. Finally, your job needs to bring you happiness and safety, you don’t need to deal with a lot of stress, because you should be doing your job like a hobby. To sum up, everyone should choose a job that makes them feel confident in what they do and accomplished.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that when you choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the money
first
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that
fully
. I believe that doing something you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, will
inevitably
bring you success and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount of money.

One advantage is that when you do a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
you enjoy, the time spent working passes by
quickly
and
productively
and it doesn’t feel boring or like a burden.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nevertheless
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tasks could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from what you
usually
like to do,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you need to adapt.

In addition
, the work that you do can be something that provides you to travel and visit the world or maybe you can work from home and spend time with your family or friends.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
this depends on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that you work with,
as well
as your free time.

Finally
, your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
needs to bring you happiness and safety, you don’t need to deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you should be doing your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
like a hobby.

To sum up, everyone should choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel confident in what they do and accomplished.
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IELTS essay you choose a job you must think about the money first

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
190 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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