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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweight the disadvantages?

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweight the disadvantages? yXDBP
Having large number of population as young adults is a blessing if handled correctly by the government or else it can turn into curse too. In this essay we will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of having most of the percentage of the population as young adults. Young people are more energetic and have more creativity as compared to older one. Younger ones have more passion to do the work as they want to prove thereselves. Heavy and hectic tasks can also be done easily if a person is in mid-age. Recent research of "University Of California" has shown that the country which has more mid-aged population were able to help in countries growth more than the older ones. On the other hand if country is not able to utilise the power of relatively large population of person's aged between 20-40 than it can very dangerous to stay in such kind of city as people might not be able to get employment. Which results in rising of crime in any city. Consequently, it won't be safe to live in that kind of city. As Young people are energy of the country and if they will not have the job or not able to fulfill his dreams in country who was unable to utilise its talent will start feeling depressed. That will turn the majority of the energy of the country in same as well. In a nutshell, I just wanna say that having large young population is blessing for any country if they are able to handle them and use that energy wisely for the growth of the nation. On the contrary, if they cannot do that than it can be very dangerous for any country.
Having large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults is a blessing if handled
correctly
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or else it can turn into curse too. In this essay we will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of having most of the percentage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults.

Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more energetic and have more creativity as compared to older one. Younger ones have more passion to do the work as they want to prove
Possible spelling mistake found.
thereselves
. Heavy and hectic tasks can
also
be done
easily
if a person is in mid-age. Recent research of
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
University Of California
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
has shown that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which has more mid-aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
growth more than the older ones.

On the other hand
if
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country
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
the power of
relatively
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of person's aged between 20-40 than it can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to stay in such kind of city as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employment.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
results in rising of crime in any city.
Consequently
, it won't be safe to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in that kind of city. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are energy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and if they will not have the job or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to fulfill his dreams in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
who was unable to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
its talent will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
feeling depressed. That will turn the majority of the energy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in same
as well
.

In a nutshell, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
The word 'wanna' is informal. Consider an alternative.
wanna
say that having large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is blessing for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
if they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to handle them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that energy
wisely
for the growth of the nation.
On the contrary
, if they cannot do that than it can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
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IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweight the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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