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Nowadays, many young people are choosing to live independently. Do the advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

Nowadays, many young people are choosing to live independently. Do the advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? OVyby
These days a vast majority of people want to lead an independent life. The fundamental reason lies in people’s educational qualifications that fuel their craving for freedom in life. Although, there are some disadvantages of this, living alone is likely to nurture a mindset at early stages of one’s life. Many people are well educated to stand up on their own. Tertiary education broadens their horizons, and they wish to experience freedom of life. With a very good educational background it becomes easier to find a well-paid job, and with lucrative income they gain confidence to lead an independent life, thereby achieving their goals. For example, engineering graduates can find a job in another town and their salary is enough for them to move and settle down there. This enables them to move away from their family and live on their own. Living alone helps one to develop maturity, which can be seen as a positive impact on individuals and the society as a whole. Being independent means young people have to face life challenges alone and going through this process improves their resilience. They become more responsible, as they have to take care of themselves and develop budgeting skills and saving habits, for their future needs as well. Better planning of their finances nurtures the custom of wise spending at early stages of adult life. In conclusion, the reason why many people wish to live independently these days is because their education level gives them both the awareness of freedom in life and means of achieving it. Although, living alone promotes one’s future career, advantages of this more notable for me.
These days a vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to lead an independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The fundamental reason lies in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
educational qualifications that fuel their craving for freedom in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Although, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of this, living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
is likely to nurture a mindset at early stages of one’s life.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
to stand up on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. Tertiary education broadens their horizons, and they wish to experience freedom of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. With a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
educational background it becomes easier to find a well-paid job, and with lucrative income they gain confidence to lead an independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, thereby achieving their goals.
For example
, engineering graduates can find a job in another town and their salary is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
and settle down there. This enables them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
away from their family and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

Living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
one to develop maturity, which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on individuals and the society as a whole. Being independent means young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
challenges
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
and going through this process
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their resilience. They become more responsible, as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take care of themselves and develop budgeting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and saving habits, for their future needs
as well
. Better planning of their finances nurtures the custom of wise spending at early stages of adult life.

In conclusion
, the reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wish to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
these days is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their education level gives them both the awareness of freedom in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and means of achieving it. Although, living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
promotes one’s future career, advantages of this more notable for me.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, many young people are choosing to live independently. Do the advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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