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some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere to what extent do you agree with this view?

some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere awJd7
The country's overall development relay on every aspect, which include arts too and even it plays one of the crucial role. Art includes the country's forgotten curtal within it. Firstly the government should consider spending money on arts, even though it does not give any financial support to it in return to the country, but it displays the culture to the whole world. For example, assume a text describing the painting and the painting itself, which would make more sense. The picture indeed conveys more meaning and shows the exact picture of the painting. Secondly, spending money is not enough, spending it in an effective way is more important. Consider, an organization funding for the arts and its equipment in a place where people not utilizing will be a waste. Instead, that organization should identify the interested sector of people and provide them with the necessary things. To conclude, arts are the things which remind of our great ancestor through songs, pictures, and literature, So spending the money is a great idea to preserve the culture and our past.
The country's
overall
development relay on every aspect, which include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
too and even it plays one of the crucial role.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
includes the country's forgotten
Possible spelling mistake found.
curtal
within it.

Firstly
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
even though
it does not give any financial support to it in return to the country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it displays the culture to the whole world.
For example
, assume a text describing the painting and the painting itself, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more sense. The picture
indeed
conveys more meaning and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the exact picture of the painting.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
money is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
it
Consider replacing "in an effective way" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an effective way
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. Consider, an organization funding for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and its equipment in a place where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
not utilizing will be a waste.
Instead
, that organization should identify the interested sector of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and provide them with the necessary things.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are the things which remind of our great ancestor through songs, pictures, and literature,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
the money is a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to preserve the culture and our past.

IELTS essay some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
179 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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