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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of old people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of old people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? r922
Youngsters are considered to be the future of the nation. It is believed that there are countries that has enormous number of inhabitants which are youths compared to older people. In my opinion, this essay is presented with more pros and lesser cons. With youngsters we can built a nation with better technologies but there wont be much experience with them in order to take the nation forward. To begin with, The main reason behind the statement, There are youths who can built nation with more better technology and Nowadays, They work hard and take responsibilities in their own hands which benefits him as well as our nation. For instance, In a company if a work given to the senior member of the staff he passes the work to the youth in order to get the work done soon. Following that, There are countries in which people choose to elect democratically young people for the development of the state or district. Moreover, they trust the young people who are well educated. For Example, Recently by-polls in India a 21 year old has been appointed as mayor in Kerala. However, Young people do not have much experience compared to old people. Moreover, senior person in work are well known to everyone and it will be easy for him to communicate things between his team and manager. Whereas, even in choosing a leader of a country they choose a senior person so that he will be well known and get things done. on the contrary, If a work given it will take time to get over. In conclusion, Youth are important for country but they don't have relevant experience. but I believe if a chance is given to youngsters they will definitely take the country forward. disadvantages has been outweigh by advantages.
Youngsters
are considered
to be the future of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. It
is believed
that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that has enormous number of inhabitants which are youths compared to older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my opinion, this essay
is presented
with more pros and lesser cons. With
The comma is probably missing here: "youngsters, we".
youngsters we
can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "build"
built
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
with better technologies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there
Please make sure you mean 'wont' (a habit), not "won't"/"won’t" (short for 'will not')?
wont
be much experience with them in order to take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
forward.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, The main reason behind the statement, There are youths who can built
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
with
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
technology and Nowadays, They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and take responsibilities in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
hands which benefits him as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
For instance
, In a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the senior member of the staff he passes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. Following that, There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to elect
democratically
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for the development of the state or district.
Moreover
, they trust the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
.
For Example
, Recently by-polls in India a
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "21-year"
21 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
has
been appointed
as mayor in Kerala.

However
, Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have much experience compared to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, senior person in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
known to everyone and it will be easy for him to communicate things between his team and manager. Whereas, even in choosing a leader of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
they choose a senior person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that he will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
known and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
things done.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the contrary, If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
it will take time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
over.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Youth
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they don't have relevant experience.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but
I believe if a chance is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to youngsters they will definitely take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
forward.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
disadvantages
has been
Consider using a past participle here: "outweighed".
outweigh
by advantages.
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IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of old people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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