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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

The age demographic of a country has a direct effect on its prosperity. Most countries categorize their age populations as children, teenagers, young adults (18-40), mature adults and elderly (60 and over). Different age groups have different capacities to ensure the growth and prosperity of their nation. The advantages of having a large proportion of young adults in a country supersede the negatives as this leads to productivity and development. A larger percentage of young adults in a nation empower society to significantly increase manufacturing and services; thereby, creating a strong economy. The reason for this is that 20 to 30-year-olds have lots of energy, they are able to work for 12 hours a day, as well as have many years of employment ahead. For example, a 25-year-old nurse can work double shifts in a hospital as where this becomes much more difficult for a 60-year-old nurse close to retirement. This is one of two clear benefits of having a large young adult population. Young adults have great ambition to learn, create and invent socially and technologically, and these are the forces of progress for a nation. Young adults are driven by self-actualization, and adapt the latest information from universities and learn from the achievements and failures of the previous generations to build a better future. For instance, the nurse freshly graduated from university is up-to-date with the latest information on treatments and medication as where this is unlikely the case for nurses who are nearing their golden years. Furthermore, the young nurse is likely motivated to improve these modern treatments and invent or discover even better ones for the sake of their patients. In conclusion, countries that have a large number of young adults tend to have greater growth and productivity. Therefore, having such an age demographic is greatly advantageous. This is likely the reason that nations with strong economies constantly strive to have a high proportion of young adults in their societies.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
demographic of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has a direct effect on its prosperity. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
categorize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
populations as children,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
(18-40), mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
and elderly (60 and over).
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
capacities to ensure the growth and prosperity of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. The advantages of having a large proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
supersede the negatives as this leads to productivity and development.

A larger percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
empower society to
significantly
increase manufacturing and services; thereby, creating a strong economy.
The reason for this is
that 20 to 30-year-olds have lots of energy, they are able to work for 12 hours a day,
as well
as have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years of employment ahead.
For example
, a 25-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nurse
can work double shifts in a hospital as where this becomes much more difficult for a 60-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nurse
close to retirement. This is one of two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
benefits of having a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult population.

Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
have great ambition to learn, create and invent
socially
and
technologically
, and these are the forces of progress for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are driven
by self-actualization, and adapt the latest information from universities and learn from the achievements and failures of the previous generations to build a better future.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nurse
freshly
graduated from university is up-to-date with the latest information on treatments and medication as where this is unlikely the case for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nurses
who are nearing their golden years.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nurse
is likely motivated to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
these modern treatments and invent or discover even better ones for the sake of their patients.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that have
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use “many” or “numerous”
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
tend to have greater growth and productivity.
Therefore
, having such an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
demographic is
greatly
advantageous. This is likely the reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
with strong economies
constantly
strive to have a high proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
in their societies.
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IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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