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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large no. of young adults compared with the no. of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large no. of young adults compared with the no. of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Many countries now have a large population of young adults. While some people think that it is advantageous to have more people who are young, others are of the opinion that there should be a balance between the populations of both the generation. This essay will analyse both the views before arriving at the reasoned conclusion. Firstly, let’s talk about the advantages of having more young adults. There are several merits like the young generation are more creative and productive, which will lead to the growth of the nation in all the aspects like science, technology, business. For instance, a country like India has a large number of young adults and therefore companies here do not face any trouble searching for talented and skilled people for a particular job. In fact, different companies from around the globe come to India for recruitment. Young people are healthier and do not need to spend much on health care. Also, young people can adjust and can think rationally for the development of the country where as for older people, handling a change is difficult. There are some downsides of having young adults as well. One of them is that if the amount of employment in the country is very less as compared to the number young individuals, it will create a huge problem as these people require a job for their living and can’t be depended on anyone. For example, India has a high rate of unemployment as there are a lot of people in 20 to 40 age group. This unemployment can even give rise to criminal activities. To conclude, when we see the positive aspect the young generation can bring to the society it is not difficult to say that the advantages of having young people overweight the disadvantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have a large population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is advantageous to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
, others are of the opinion that there should be a balance between the populations of both the generation. This essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both the views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
arriving at the reasoned conclusion.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
’s talk about the advantages of having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. There are several merits like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation are more creative and productive, which will lead to the growth of the nation in all the aspects like science, technology, business.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
like India has
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
and
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
here do not face any trouble searching for talented and skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for a particular job. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
from around the globe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to India for recruitment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are healthier and do not need to spend much on health care.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can adjust and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
rationally
for the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
for older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, handling a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is difficult.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
downsides of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
as well
. One of them is that if the amount of employment in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to the number
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals, it will create a huge problem as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
require a job for their living and can’t
be depended
on anyone.
For example
, India has a high rate of unemployment as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in 20 to 40 age group. This unemployment can even give rise to criminal activities.

To conclude
, when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation can bring to the society it is not difficult to say that the advantages of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
overweight the disadvantages.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large no. of young adults compared with the no. of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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