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At present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively a large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

At present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively a large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
It is believed that nowadays the particular states have a majority of younger than elderly people. Although, a lot of youth is a powerful workforce, however, they make pressure to the economy, political instability and stimulate world migration. In my opinion, having too many youth will lead to global problems in the future. A quarter of world population is minority at the age of 10-25, who are concentrated in the poorest countries, for example, India, while the wealthy and developed countries are aging. Firstly, young people of developing countries face with unemployment and low salaries, because of low skills. In the result, it leads to the poverty. Secondly, Unstable younger are looking for a better life, so they do move to other cities and countries. In addition, they are a great risk for politicians, because they cannot be controlled by anyone. On the other hand, increasing of younger is beneficial for developed, rich countries as a European. The average age is 45. In other words, growth of adolescent will expand the economy and give a chance not to ruin. For instance, young people will work and manufacture of the country will remain stable. Elderly people will get their pension without any fear. Therefore, it is important to have a lot of young men. To conclude, some countries have a majority of adolescent in population than old people. Despite, power of youngster they might lead the country to the crisis. In my opinion, youth quantity must be balanced, otherwise it will lead to the global issues.
It
is believed
that nowadays the particular states have a majority of younger than elderly
people
. Although,
a lot of
youth is a powerful workforce,
however
, they
make
pressure to the economy, political instability and stimulate world migration. In my opinion, having too
many youth
will
lead
to global problems in the future.

A quarter of world population is minority at the age of 10-25, who
are concentrated
in the poorest
countries
,
for example
, India, while the wealthy and developed
countries
are aging.
Firstly
, young
people
of developing
countries
face with unemployment and low salaries,
because
of low
skills
. In the result, it leads to the poverty.
Secondly
, Unstable younger are looking for a better life,
so
they do
move
to other cities and
countries
.
In addition
, they are a great
risk
for politicians,
because
they cannot
be controlled
by anyone.

On the other hand
, increasing of younger is beneficial for developed, rich
countries
as a European. The average age is 45.
In other words
, growth of adolescent will expand the economy and give a chance not to ruin.
For instance
, young
people
will work and manufacture of the
country
will remain stable. Elderly
people
will
get
their pension without any fear.
Therefore
, it is
important
to have
a lot of
young
men
.

To conclude
,
some
countries
have a majority of adolescent in population than
old
people
. Despite, power of youngster they might
lead
the
country
to the crisis. In my opinion, youth quantity
must
be balanced
,
otherwise
it will
lead
to the global issues.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay At present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively a large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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