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As well os moking moneY, businesses responsibirities. Do you ogree ot disogree? should o,so hove socio

As well os moking moneY, businesses responsibirities. Do you ogree ot disogree? should o, so hove socio EkVq
I definitely agree with the given statement that the corporate sector should focus on creating personal wealth as well as shoulder social responsibilities. This would be beneficial to the society and also for the companies themselves to sustain in the long run. To begin with, it is an inescapable responsibility of every business enterprise to create more money for itself and its employees. Only when businesses achieve profitability can the employees remain loyal to the organisations that they work for. Meanwhile, companies can themselves remain competitive in the long run. ln the initial stages, great amount of investments are needed for employee training, buying equipment, advertising, marketing, research and development. Therefore, economic stimulus is the driving force for employers and employees to work hard. On the other hand, social responsibility is also very essential for businesses. ln times of natural disasters, business houses are supposed to make generous donations and set an example. All businesses should also abide by the law and never make profit by unethical means. lf any business becomes prosperous by honest hard work, it can provide a number of job opportunities, which can greatly reduce the pressure of social unemployment. Furthermore, taking social responsibility would help these large business houses themselves. For example, when any business house donates for charity, the media spreads a word about their efforts and they get advertisement for free. ln my hometown, many parks and roundabouts are maintained by the textile, sugar and starch mill in my hometown. These business houses do not need to spend extra for their adverts. providing scholarships to poor, meritorious students is another way these enterprises can take social responsibility. To sum up, it can be reiterated that businesses need to make money and also look into their social obligations. This would be a win-win situation for the society and the enterprises themselves.
I definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement that the corporate sector should focus on creating personal

wealth
as well
as shoulder social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
. This would be beneficial to the society and
also
for the

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
themselves to sustain in the long run.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is an inescapable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
enterprise to create more money for

itself and its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
achieve profitability can the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
remain loyal to the

Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
that they work for. Meanwhile,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can themselves remain competitive in the long

run.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ln
the initial stages, great amount of investments
are needed
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
training, buying

equipment, advertising, marketing, research and development.
Therefore
, economic stimulus is the driving

force for employers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

On the other hand
, social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ln
times of natural disasters,

business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
are supposed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
generous donations and set an example. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
should
also


abide by the law and never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
profit by unethical means.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
lf
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
becomes prosperous by honest

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, it can provide a number of job opportunities, which can
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the pressure of social

unemployment.

Furthermore
, taking social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
these large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
themselves.
For example
,

when any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
donates for charity, the media spreads a word about their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
efforts and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get


advertisement for free.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ln
my hometown,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parks and roundabouts
are maintained
by the textile, sugar

and starch mill in my hometown. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
do not need to spend extra for their adverts.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
providing
scholarships to poor, meritorious students is another way these enterprises can take social

responsibility.

To sum up, it can
be reiterated
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money and
also
look into their social

obligations. This would be a win-win situation for the society and the enterprises themselves.
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IELTS essay As well os moking moneY, businesses responsibirities. Do you ogree ot disogree? should o, so hove socio

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
307 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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