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As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree? v.8

Businesseshave always sought to make a profit, but it is becoming increasingly common to hear people talk about the social obligations that companies have. I completely agree with the idea that businesses should do more for society than simply make money. On the one hand, I accept that businesses must make money in order to survive in a competitive world. It seems logical that the priority of any company should be to cover its running costs, such as employees’ wages and payments for buildings and utilities. On top of these costs, companies also need to invest in improvements and innovations if they wish to remain successful. If a company is unable to pay its bills or meet the changing needs of customers, any concerns about social responsibilities become irrelevant. In other words, a company can only make a positive contribution to society if it is in good financial health. On the other hand, companies should not be run with the sole aim of maximizing profit; they have a wider role to play in society. One social obligation that owners and managers have is to treat their employees well, rather than exploiting them. For example, they could pay a “living wage” to ensure that workers have a good quality of life. I also like the idea that businesses could use a proportion of their profits to support local charities, environmental projects or education initiatives. Finally, instead of trying to minimize their tax payments by using accounting loopholes, I believe that company bosses should be happy to contribute to society through the tax system. In conclusion, I believe that companies should place as much importance on their social responsibilities as they do on their financial objectives. (285words, band 9)
Possible spelling mistake found.
Businesseshave
always sought to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a profit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is becoming
increasingly
common to

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
hear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
talk about the social obligations that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
the


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
idea
that businesses should do more for society than
simply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
money.

On the one hand, I accept that businesses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
money in order to survive in a

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
competitive
world. It seems logical that the priority of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should be to cover
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
its


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
running
costs, such as employees’ wages and payments for buildings and utilities. On top
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
of


these costs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
also
need to invest in improvements and innovations if they wish to

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
remain
successful. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is unable to pay its bills or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the changing needs
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
of


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
customers
, any concerns about social responsibilities become irrelevant.
In other words
,
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
a


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
company
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
contribution to society if it is in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
financial health.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should not
be run
with the sole aim of maximizing profit; they

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
have
a wider role to play in society. One social obligation that owners and managers have
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
is


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
to
treat their employees well,
rather
than exploiting them.
For example
, they could pay
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
a


“
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
living
wage” to ensure that workers have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality of life. I
also
like the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
that


businesses could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a proportion of their profits to support local charities, environmental

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
projects
or education initiatives.
Finally
,
instead
of trying to minimize their tax payments by

using accounting loopholes, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
bosses should be happy to contribute to

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
society
through the tax system.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should place as much importance on their social

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
responsibilities
as they do on their financial objectives.

(285words, band 9)
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Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities.

Essay
  American English
21 paragraphs
286 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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