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As the world become technological advanced , computers are replaced people at more and more Jobs.What job positions are lost due to computers.what problems should arise due to this situation?

As the world become technological advanced, computers are replaced people at more and more Jobs. What job positions are lost due to computers. what problems should arise due to this situation? 5APON
With advancement in technology, individuals are replaced by computer at workplace. There are enormous jobs that are being lost due to computers such as teachers, postmen and ticket agents. This situation may bring some issues which are going to be elaborated in further paragraphs. There is no denying that because of computers, ticket agents lost thier job. As mostly people book tickets for thier destination online through different websites. Moreover, the job of teachers are also at risk due to development in technology, each and every student want to study through projecters which make thier concept easy by animations, and they find it most interesting way of learning. Apart from that, in this day and age, people prefer to send emails and messages through social networking sites instead of letters and post. This leads to lost of job for postmen. It is therefore, the job position of teachers postmen and tickets manger are at danger because of introduction of computers. There are several troubles happen when computer replace people from thier jobs. First and foremost is unemployment. It is irrefutable that when work at workplace is done by computers, the rate of unemployment reach at its height, and when there is less jobs then people find it difficult to find job and run their livelihood. Due to this, the crime rate would increase by leaps and bounds. As people indulge in anti social activities such robbery, theft and many more in order to fulfill their basic amenities. In conclusion, although computers are need of today's world, the use of computers are the basic reason behind the lost of a plethora of job positions, and when people are removed from thier jobs because of computers it increased the rate of unemployment, and due to this, crime rate would also increase.
With advancement in technology, individuals
are replaced
by computer at workplace. There are enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that are being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to computers such as teachers, postmen and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
agents. This situation may bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues which are going to
be elaborated
in
further
paragraphs.

There is no denying that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of computers,
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ticket
agents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lost
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. As
mostly
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people
book
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tickets
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
destination online through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
websites.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
of teachers
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
also
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to development in technology, each and every student want to study through
Possible spelling mistake found.
projecters
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
concept easy by animations, and they find it most interesting way of learning. Apart from that, in this day and age,
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people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
emails and messages through social networking sites
instead
of letters and post. This leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lost
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for postmen. It is
therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
position of teachers postmen and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tickets
manger are at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of introduction of computers.

There are several troubles happen when computer replace
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people
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
First
and foremost is unemployment. It is irrefutable that when work at workplace
is done
by computers, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of unemployment reach at its height, and when there is less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
Did you mean "than"?
then
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people
find it difficult to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and run their livelihood.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to this, the crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
would increase by leaps and bounds. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
indulge in
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
anti social
activities such robbery, theft and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more in order to fulfill their basic amenities.

In conclusion
, although computers
are need
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers are the basic reason behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lost
of a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
positions, and when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are removed
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of computers it increased the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of unemployment, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to this, crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
would
also
increase.
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IELTS essay As the world become technological advanced, computers are replaced people at more and more Jobs. What job positions are lost due to computers. what problems should arise due to this situation?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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