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As the word becomes technological advance computers are replacing more and more job describe some job position that may be lost because of computers and discuss at least one problem that may result

As the word becomes technological advance computers are replacing more and more job describe some job position that may be lost because of computers and discuss at least one problem that may result GMMXe
Nowadays, with the advancement of technology, some machines are decreasing the job opportunities for people which will be discussed in the upcoming passage. To begin with, there are few jobs which are being taken over by robots and computers those are cashier, Bank tellers, and clerks packing and researchers, as a result, there are several tasks done with the help of Machines. for example, in previous year cash was counted by cashiers, but now there are machines which helps to count the cash fast then humans because machines take less time to count a lot of amount of money as a human some time spent too much time, as a result, it decreases the cashier chore. Secondly, packing and researchers job also replaced by machines because nowadays new machines are invented as which pack the items, for instance, in the milk plants and bakery shops there are some machines which pack the milk and the other eatable items in less time but they need one or only two persons to work on them as in the past time shop owner hire more people for packing. Moreover, the job of a tutor, most of the student prefer to study online as they preferred to study offline in the past but now they have smartphones where they search everything related to every topic or subject, as a result, it saves them time and money because they do not need to go out and do not spend extra money. In conclusion, although there are Robots and machines are available, but the employer needs an employee to work on them as we can say that the need of worker decrease due to machines but one machine need one person as it replaced the number of employees.
Nowadays, with the advancement of technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
are decreasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
which will
be discussed
in the upcoming passage. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which are
being taken
over by robots and computers those are cashier, Bank tellers, and clerks packing and researchers,
as a result
, there are several tasks done with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Machines
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example, in previous year cash
was counted
by cashiers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to count the cash
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
then humans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
take less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to count
Possible agreement error. The noun amount seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of amounts".
a lot of amount
of money as a human
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
as a result
, it decreases the cashier chore.
Secondly
, packing and researchers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
also
replaced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
are invented
as which pack the items,
for instance
, in the milk plants and bakery shops there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
which pack the milk and the other eatable items in less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
one or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two persons to work on them as in the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
shop owner hire more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for packing.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
of a tutor, most of the student prefer to study online as they preferred to study offline in the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they have smartphones where they search everything related to every topic or subject,
as a result
, it saves them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to go out and do not spend extra money.
In conclusion
, although there are Robots and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
are available,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the employer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
an employee to work on them as we can say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of worker decrease due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
one person as it replaced the number of employees.
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IELTS essay As the word becomes technological advance computers are replacing more and more job describe some job position that may be lost because of computers and discuss at least one problem that may result

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
292 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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