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As people nowadays love to travel to remote deserted places, authorities should ban tourism in these places to preserve them. Do you agree or disagree?

As people nowadays love to travel to remote deserted places, authorities should ban tourism in these places to preserve them. MMxVk
Tourism has become an indispensable source of income for communities internationally. There is a new trend towards distant areas with little to no people. It is supposed that desolated areas are susceptible to pollution and therefore should be restricted from tourists. Nonetheless, from my perspective, this statement is accurate. First and foremost, tourism in remote areas can lead to the destruction of nature. Especially in these deserted areas, there will be no proper cleaning and garbage collection. As the number of tourist to these areas increase, the waste dumping will also pile up as well. As a result, waste disposal is an inevitable consequence of tourism. Moreover, these particular areas are mostly unspoiled natural habitats with their own ecosystem. A rise in tourism will give rise to constructed routes, shops, and services, which can probably cause habitat loss to animals. Thus, this will contributes to the number of endangered species and extiction. Tourism in these areas will put a strain on natural resources, and can potentially result in overexploitation of these materials. Further effects such as air pollution, water contamination, deforestation, and noise are possible as well. It is argued that a tourism ban in these specific areas will lead to economical loss. This statement is somewhat true; however, the loss will not be substantial. Considering that these areas are remoted and deserted, the tourism industry does not yet benefit much from them. They are untouched landscapes, with few living beings, and therefore have little to no tourist profit. Furthermore, compared to the cost that would take to recover the natural damage from tourism, these economical losses are small-scale. Prevention is better than cure, so before any spectacular landscape is spoiled, one should ban tourism in remote areas. In sum, tourism in desolated areas will give a rise to natural harm and ought to be banned instantaneously.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourism
has become an indispensable source of income for communities
internationally
. There is a new trend towards distant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. It
is supposed
that desolated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are susceptible to pollution and
therefore
should
be restricted
from tourists. Nonetheless, from my perspective, this statement is accurate.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
in remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
can lead to the destruction of nature.
Especially
in these deserted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, there will be no proper cleaning and garbage collection. As the number of tourist to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
increase, the waste dumping will
also
pile up
as well
.
As a result
, waste disposal is an inevitable consequence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
.
Moreover
, these particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are
mostly
unspoiled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
habitats with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ecosystem. A rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
will give rise to constructed routes, shops, and services, which can
probably
cause habitat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loss
to animals.
Thus
, this will contributes to the number of endangered species and
Possible spelling mistake found.
extiction
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourism
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
will put a strain on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources, and can
potentially
result in overexploitation of these materials.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
effects such as air pollution, water contamination, deforestation, and noise are possible
as well
.

It
is argued
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
ban in these specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
will lead to
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loss
. This statement is somewhat true;
however
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loss
will not be substantial. Considering that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are remoted
and deserted, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
industry does not
yet
benefit much from them. They
are untouched
landscapes, with few living beings, and
therefore
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to no tourist profit.
Furthermore
, compared to the cost that would take to recover the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
damage from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
, these economical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
losses
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
-scale. Prevention is better than cure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any spectacular landscape
is spoiled
, one should ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
in remote areas.

In sum,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
in desolated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
will give a rise to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
harm and ought to
be banned
instantaneously
.
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IELTS essay As people nowadays love to travel to remote deserted places, authorities should ban tourism in these places to preserve them.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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