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As countries developed, more people can afford to buy cars. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

As countries developed, more people can afford to buy cars. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? nGYo
Nowadays, it is well known that people became more capable to own cars. This phenomenon has some benefits. However, many drawbacks should be considered. In my opinion, the disadvantages of this trend are greater than its advantages. To begin with, the personal car is considered as an easier and faster way than other transports. In other words, People can start their trip from their own doorstep avoiding being obligated to specific timetables or fixed routes. For instance, a recent study revealed that individuals could save 50% of their time if they used their own cars rather than public transportation. Another reason is that private cars are giving more freedom to the driver and other passengers. For example, the driver can choose to listen to music, speak freely to his family, and decide when to stop. consequently, the driver will feel free while driving his own car. On the other hand, the continues increasing in the car numbers has a negative impact on the traffic. In other words, the private cars usually carrying less passengers. Although, they occupy more spaces on the road, which is increasing the possibilities of causing traffic jams. To illustrate, a study found a strong link between the traffic congestion issues and the enormous numbers of registered private vehicles. In addition to that, the growing of the private car numbers has a major effect on the environment. A good illustration to this idea, a research showed that the air pollution level has increased by 40% in the last 10 years mainly due to the carbon dioxide emissions from cars exhausters. Therefore, it just shows how serious this could impact on the environment. In conclusion, being affordable to buy a car has some advantages. However, it cannot be compared with the major negatives of this trend, and its serious consequences.
Nowadays, it is well known that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
became more capable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
. This phenomenon has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks should
be considered
. In my opinion, the disadvantages of this trend are greater than its advantages.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
is considered
as an easier and faster way than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
transports. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their trip from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
doorstep avoiding
being obligated
to specific timetables or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
routes.
For instance
, a recent study revealed that individuals could save 50% of their time if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
rather
than public transportation. Another reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
are giving more freedom to the driver and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
passengers.
For example
, the driver can choose to listen to music, speak
freely
to his family, and decide when to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
consequently
, the driver will feel free while driving his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
car.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the continues increasing in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
numbers has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the traffic. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
usually
carrying
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun passengers is countable.
less
passengers. Although, they occupy more spaces on the road, which is increasing the possibilities of causing traffic jams. To illustrate, a study found a strong link between the traffic congestion issues and the enormous numbers of registered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
vehicles.
In addition
to that, the growing of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
numbers has a major effect on the environment. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration to this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the air pollution level has increased by 40% in the last 10 years
mainly
due to the carbon dioxide emissions from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
Possible spelling mistake found.
exhausters
.
Therefore
, it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how serious this could impact on the environment.

In conclusion
, being affordable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages.
However
, it cannot
be compared
with the major negatives of this trend, and its serious consequences.

IELTS essay As countries developed, more people can afford to buy cars. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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