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As children become adults, their social behaviour changes in some ways. What are the main differences between young children’s social behaviour and that of adults? To what extent are the changes that take place good?

As children become adults, their social behaviour changes in some ways. What are the main differences between young children’s social behaviour and that of adults? RMeG
When minors grew up, undoubtedly, their attitude becomes more similar to the adults’ on. What differs children’s behaviour from that of grown-up is quite evident; this essay explains the main differences between them and analyses to what extent are these changes positive. The two most significant differences between minors and adults’ behaviour are maturity and individuality. Indeed, adults have a predisposition to analyse problems with more consciousness, as well as the ability of solving them on their own. Evidence for this, could be find when teens are facing a difficult situation and they ask their parents for advices and suggestions. Furthermore, it is vital that minors’ attitude changes over time, due to the increase of responsibilities and the necessity to face life independently and conscientiously. However, in some instances, it happens that younger community take adulthood as an example and additionally, tend to imitate the negative aspects of their behaviour. For instance, adolescent who begin smoking, as a result of an adult society, which is addicted to smoke. To sum up, children’s manners ought to change as their age increases, however it should kept in mind that not always changes are favourable, even if the negative changes do not outweigh the positive ones.
When minors grew up,
undoubtedly
, their attitude becomes more similar to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults’
on. What differs children’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
from that of grown-up is quite evident; this essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
the main differences between them and analyses to what extent
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.

The two most significant differences between minors and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults’
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
are maturity and individuality.
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
have a predisposition to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
problems with more consciousness,
as well
as the ability of solving them on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. Evidence for this, could be
Consider using a past participle here: "found".
find
when teens are facing a difficult
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
situation and
they ask their parents for advices and suggestions.

Furthermore
, it is vital that minors’ attitude
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
over time, due to the increase of responsibilities and the necessity to face life
independently
and
conscientiously
.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
instances, it happens that younger community take adulthood as an example and
additionally
, tend to imitate the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
For instance
, adolescent who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
smoking,
as a result
of an adult society, which
is addicted
to smoke.

To sum up, children’s manners ought to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
as their age increases,
however
it should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "keep"
kept
in mind that not always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
are
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
, even if the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
do not outweigh the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ones.
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IELTS essay As children become adults, their social behaviour changes in some ways. What are the main differences between young children’s social behaviour and that of adults?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
203 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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