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As a result of electronic inventions such as television and the computer, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

As a result of electronic inventions such as television and the computer, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. kVoR
Noone doubt that new electronic inventions change people's lifestyle, especially in this century. Innovations usually facilitate the operation for particular purposes and invent to promote specific processes. However, they affect people life's in other aspects of view. We aim to discuss the effects of these inventions on human health. I believe that, although most of the electronic innovations improve our life quality in a particular part, they certainly have harmful side effects on other parts. For example, we can do home office instead of going to work or the university. Most of our duties can be arranged from home by the computer or mobile phone such as online meeting, shopping, or even university courses for teachers. But staying long behind the desk is not good for the health. Moreover, for us as humans with a soul, we need to meet friends instead of merely talking to them with online computer software. Also, people do less physical activity by using the computer, and it might cause body diseases. On the other hand, some people say that new inventions have no adverse effect on human health. They might accept the fact of changing lifestyle after some of these computer inventions, and they think that people should try to decrease the side effect of the new lifestyle. For example, manage their weekly plans to have more physical activities, people can also utilize the computers for this aim. In conclusion, I agree that electronic inventions hurt people's health. But, we have to succeed in dealing with these harmful side effects by training our lifestyle, even by employing the computer for this purpose. For example, using computer software to manage our schedule and consider time for exercising and physical activity with the same computer.
Noone
doubt
that new electronic inventions
change
people
's
lifestyle
,
especially
in this century. Innovations
usually
facilitate the operation for particular purposes and invent to promote specific processes.
However
, they affect
people
life's in other aspects of view. We aim to discuss the effects of these inventions on human health.

I believe that, although most of the electronic innovations
improve
our life quality in a particular part, they
certainly
have harmful side effects on other parts.
For example
, we can do home office
instead
of going to work or the university. Most of our duties can
be arranged
from home by the computer or mobile phone such as online meeting, shopping, or even university courses for teachers.
But
staying long behind the desk is not
good
for the health.
Moreover
, for us as humans with a soul, we need to
meet
friends
instead
of
merely
talking to them with online computer software.
Also
,
people
do less physical activity by using the computer, and it might cause body diseases.

On the other hand
,
some
people
say that new inventions have no adverse
effect
on human health. They might accept the fact of changing
lifestyle
after
some
of these computer inventions, and they
think
that
people
should try to decrease the side
effect
of the new
lifestyle
.
For example
, manage their weekly plans to have more physical activities,
people
can
also
utilize the computers for this aim.

In conclusion
, I
agree
that electronic inventions hurt
people
's health.
But
, we
have to
succeed in dealing with these harmful side effects by training our
lifestyle
, even by employing the computer for this purpose.
For example
, using computer software to manage our schedule and consider time for exercising and physical activity with the same computer.
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IELTS essay As a result of electronic inventions such as television and the computer, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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