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as a result of electronic inventions as the computer and television , people do less physical activity and this is having negative effect on their health

The invention of the electrical equipment like television and computer influence our life. Nowadays most people use electronic tools that they work better and they save their time and cost. Watching television or play video games in now the nation's most popular leisure activity. This is one of reason that cause people have less physical exercise and could harm their health. Technology such as computer and television give many advantage for humans. Using all kind of electronic instrument, for example computer helps that people could work faster and to be exact. We use electronic gadgets in different aspect. For instance watching of various film and news, listen music and playing video games in leisure activity. One of the problem about health all of the world is overweight. Obesity can lead to heart disorders and other health problem. having less physical exercises cause overweight. Utterly, using electronic equipment especially for free time is one of reason causes to suffer obesity. Today most of people could spend their time by watching TV or using cellphone for social networking or playing video games that cause they don't have physical activity. In conclusion, although electrical equipment helps us to work faster and to be exact but using them cause us to gain weight because we don't have sufficient physical activity.
The invention of the electrical equipment like television and computer influence our life. Nowadays most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
tools that they work better and they save their time and cost. Watching television or play video games in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the nation's most popular leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. This is one of reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercise and could harm their health. Technology such as computer and television give
Possible agreement error. The noun advantage seems to be countable; consider using: “many advantages”.
many advantage
for humans. Using all kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
instrument,
for example
computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could work faster and to be exact. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
gadgets in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspect.
For instance
watching of various film and news, listen music and playing video games in leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. One of the problem about health
Consider using “all the”.
all of the
world is overweight. Obesity can lead to heart disorders and other health problem.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
having
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercises
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
overweight.
Utterly
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
equipment
especially
for free time is one of reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
Did you mean “suffering”? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, ‘cause’ + ‘to’ takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to suffer
obesity.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could spend their time by watching TV or using cellphone for social networking or playing video games that
Did you mean “because they”?
cause they
don't have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
In conclusion
, although electrical equipment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to work faster and to be exact
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
using them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
us to gain weight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we don't have sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
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IELTS essay as a result of electronic inventions as the computer and television, people do less physical activity and this is having negative effect on their health

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
216 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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