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As a result of electronic interventions such as computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

As a result of electronic interventions such as computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. B6Gp
In the bygone eras, when electronic inventions were not existed, people were obliged to do work by physical power. As a consequence of the invention of electronic technologies people do less physical activity and it leads to being obese or unhealthy. Generally, electronic tools are not invented in order to people's infirmity. Using all forms of electronic gadgets for example computer aid work faster, thus making work more productive. Albeit, people tend to use these tools without limitation. As an example, people who are utilizers of smartphone do not spend time With reading book when they need to some kind of information, they just search it on the Internet. Notwithstanding, we cannot exchange benefits of walking to library, searching books, and reading them. Accordingly, not only smartphones, there are also electronic technologies which lessen our activity time such as televisions, computers and other gadgets in our home which are causing to people's laziness by accomplishing tasks instead of us. Despite the drawbacks mention above electronical devices help to have longer life extenditure. Namely, people have lingering lifespan after discovery of electrical machines. For instance, in my country 30 years ago it was 61 years for both females and males. Then, it is 73 in this year. In addition to this, electronical inventions can provide patients with artificial organs. That is to say, medicine increased rapidly, thanks to electronics. I believe that, the main advantage of these technologies is creating better life for individuals of these days which related with technologies. To conclude, it is difficult to say machines are negative for our health. However, that is not to say they are fully positive. We must take care about using them in limit. I consider, they may affect our health from bad side.
In the bygone eras, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
inventions were not existed,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were obliged
to do work by physical power. As a consequence of the invention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do less physical activity and it leads to being obese or unhealthy.
Generally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
tools are not invented in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's infirmity. Using all forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
gadgets
for example
computer aid work faster,
thus
making work more productive. Albeit,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these tools without limitation. As an example,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are utilizers of smartphone do not spend time With reading book when they need to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of information, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
search it on the Internet. Notwithstanding, we cannot exchange benefits of walking to library, searching books, and reading them.
Accordingly
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
smartphones, there are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
which lessen our activity time such as televisions, computers and other gadgets in our home which are causing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's laziness by accomplishing tasks
instead
of us. Despite the drawbacks mention above
Possible spelling mistake found.
electronical
devices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to have longer life
Possible spelling mistake found.
extenditure
.
Namely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have lingering lifespan after discovery of electrical machines.
For instance
, in my country 30 years ago it was 61 years for both females and males. Then, it is 73 in this year.
In addition
to this,
Possible spelling mistake found.
electronical
inventions can provide patients with artificial organs.
That is
to say, medicine increased
rapidly
, thanks to electronics. I believe that, the main advantage of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
is creating better life for individuals of these days which related with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
.
To conclude
, it is difficult to say machines are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
for our health.
However
,
that is
not to say they are
fully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take care about using them in limit. I consider, they may affect our health from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
side.
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IELTS essay As a result of electronic interventions such as computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
292 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • As a result of electronic interventions such as computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.