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as a relsult electronic inventions such as computers and televisions, people do less physicl activities and having a negative effect on their health

as a relsult electronic inventions such as computers and televisions, people do less physicl activities and having a negative effect on their health KYwDR
It is no doubt that the invention of electronic devices change our everyday lives so much throughout history. Eventhough, it is caused harmful for other people because they spend less time for physical activity. i belive that the advantages outweigh disavandtages. The main drawback of electronic tools is that people become less physically active due to excessive time spending for such invention. They usually sit in the sofa to listen to music or play game by computer. It is very hamful for their eyes. While others spend many hours watching television, , it makes more people overweight. , this affects their health when they are older. Apart from the disavandtages espressed above, I belive that the develop of inventions give many people in 21st Century lots of benefits. While no body can deny, electronic inventions can help them anything for their job, entertain or media. One reason is that, the employee can get access to the Internet and download the document. Furthermore, they can disscuss with their college when they meet the difficulty. Specially, the employer can stay at home and control the job and manage many employee in their company. I think working at home is the good reasons. Due to this inventions, people can know new informations over the world, and see many beautiful places by computer or mobile phone. To conclude, the development of electronic such as computer, mobile phone, television, …give them lots of benefits. Because of the inventions, people do not do so much exercise. After that, they had a harmful influence on our healthFor the reasons I have mentioned above, I strongly believe that produce modern technology or electronic eventions indicates the benefits more than dangerous.
It is no doubt that the invention of
electronic
devices
change
our everyday
lives
so
much throughout history.
Eventhough
, it
is caused
harmful for other
people
because
they spend less time for physical activity.
i
belive
that the advantages outweigh
disavandtages
.

The main drawback of
electronic
tools is that
people
become less
physically
active due to excessive time spending for such invention. They
usually
sit in the sofa to listen to music or play game by computer. It is
very
hamful
for their eyes. While others spend
many
hours watching television,
,
it
makes
more
people
overweight.
,
this affects their health when they are older.

Apart from the
disavandtages
espressed
above,
I belive
that
the develop
of inventions give
many
people
in 21st Century lots of benefits. While
no body
can deny,
electronic
inventions can
help
them anything for their job, entertain or media. One reason is that, the employee can
get
access to the Internet and download the document.
Furthermore
, they can
disscuss
with their college when they
meet
the difficulty.
Specially
, the employer can stay at home and control the job and manage
many employee
in their
company
. I
think
working at home is the
good
reasons. Due to
this
inventions,
people
can know new
informations
over the world, and
see
many
beautiful
places by computer or mobile phone.

To conclude
, the development of
electronic
such as computer, mobile phone, television, …give them lots of benefits.
Because
of the inventions,
people
do not do
so
much exercise. After that, they had a harmful influence on our
healthFor
the reasons I have mentioned above, I
strongly
believe that produce modern technology or
electronic
eventions
indicates the benefits more than
dangerous
.
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IELTS essay as a relsult electronic inventions such as computers and televisions, people do less physicl activities and having a negative effect on their health

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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