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Artists and athletes both are people who give an honor to their country.

Artists and athletes both are people who give an honor to their country. lXbMw
7-EA3 박원영(Christine) Artists and athletes both are people who give an honor to their country. However, there are slight difference that artists work for their own profit and Olympic athletes practice for country’s glory. Therefore, it makes proper reason that governments should spend more money on supporting athletes who sacrifice themselves for their country. Athletes sacrifice themselves a lot for Olympic which give an honor to country. The Olympics are held every four years, which means that athletes prepare one Olympics for four years. Furthermore, most of the athletes participating in the Olympics are young, so they would not have had normal school days, which means that they are sacrificing for the country even by giving up the right to learn. For example, many underage athletes participated in the Tokyo Olympics and raised country’s status by winning a medal or setting a record. In addition, Olympic athletes receive a little salary for intensive training. Compared to artists who receive a lot of money by drawing one picture, Olympic athletes get low wages which are not enough for paying their effort. Athletes sacrifice themselves to raise up their country’s status by getting medal, even though they know that they will get low wages. Hence, government should compensate them by spending more money on athletics. Secondly, athletes are the face of the country in Olympics. Olympic athletes do not go out as individuals, but in the name of the country. So, if they get medals in Olympics, they are giving an honor to country. This means that if the governments support a lot on athletics, they can raise their status. However, artists are not always the face of the country. Artists do not paint to become the representative of the country, but to earn money. Compared to artists, athletes practice a lot even though they know they will not get high wages and they will not get high an annual pension after they win medals. Third, raising talented athletes is effective in enhancing the nation's status. Talented athletes from many countries participate in the Olympics and many other sports events. So, if one’s players are outstanding among them, the name of the country will also be mentioned. In addition, if the player wins a gold medal or have a talented player, the country is likely to appear on overseas news, and if the player is scouted abroad, the country. may get the modifier "a country that is good at sports. " Also, many players in other country will come to that country to learn about some techniques of the game. For example, many soccer players in Korea get scouted to Europe and upgrade country’s status. This why it is worthy to support athletics. In conclusion, government should spend more money supporting athletics because they are sacrificing themselves for the country, compared to artists. Also, if the country supports a lot on athletes and be able to raise outstanding player, that player will upgrade country’s status and give a helpful modifier to country. Therefore, government need to compensate athletes by supporting them a lot.
7-EA3
Possible spelling mistake found.
박원영
(Christine)

Artists and
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athletes
both are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who give an honor to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
However
, there are slight difference that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
work for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
profit and Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
practice for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
glory.
Therefore
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
proper reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
who sacrifice themselves for their country.

Athletes sacrifice themselves a
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lot
for Olympic which give an honor to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. The Olympics
are held
every four years, which means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
prepare
Don't use the number 'one' with plural words. Did you mean "one (Olympics)", "(Olympics)", or simply "Olympics"?
one Olympics
for four years.
Furthermore
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
participating in the Olympics are young,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they would not have had normal school days, which means that they are sacrificing for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
even by giving up the right to learn.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
underage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
participated in the Tokyo Olympics and raised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
status
by winning a
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medal
or setting a record.
In addition
, Olympic
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athletes
receive a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
salary for intensive training. Compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
who receive a
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lot
of
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money
by drawing one picture, Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
low wages which are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for paying their effort.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Athletes
sacrifice themselves to raise up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
status
by getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medal
,
even though
they know that they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
low wages.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should compensate them by spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on athletics.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are the face of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in Olympics. Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
do not go out as individuals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the name of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medals
in Olympics, they are giving an honor to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. This means that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
support a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
on athletics, they can raise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
status
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are not always the face of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Artists
do not paint to become the representative of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
practice a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
even though
they know they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
wages and
they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high an annual pension after they win medals.

Third, raising talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
is effective in enhancing the nation's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
status
. Talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
participate in the Olympics and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
are outstanding among them, the name of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will
also
be mentioned
.
In addition
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
wins a gold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medal
or have a talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is likely to appear on overseas news, and if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
is scouted
abroad, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the modifier
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at sports.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
in other
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country
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to learn about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
techniques of the game.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
soccer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
in Korea
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
scouted to Europe and upgrade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
status
. This why it is worthy to support athletics.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
supporting athletics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are sacrificing themselves for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
.
Also
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
supports a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
and be able to raise outstanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
will upgrade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
status
and give a helpful modifier to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
need to compensate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
by supporting them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
.
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IELTS essay Artists and athletes both are people who give an honor to their country.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
511 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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