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Art considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art end turn their focus to science, technology and business. What do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts?

Art considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art end turn their focus to science, technology and business. What do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts? VNpK
In these days and age arts does not make money as such as tecnology, science and business. First of all, that is why arts lessons are ignored in schools. Second of all, since art is not a basic need, it cannot find field in daily life. In this manner, art curiosity and art education remain among those with financial means. I will support these two view with arguments in the following paragraphs. Firstly, my own view on the matter is people tend to certain jobs. Perhaps for this reason, many people work in jobs they do not want at all. For example; doctor, engineer, teacher, business because we are concerned about the future because we live in a country with low prosperity. People’s only goal is meet their basic needs. Because of this reason, classes focus on art and creativity are not available in my country’s schools. Art also triggers creative thinking and creative thinking is a huge need in a rapidly changing world. The government should make more innovative decisions in the arts for schools and revise their curriculum. Secondly, I strongly opine that there are very few people who go to concerts, exhibitions, theater and movies in their daily life. It does not attract the attention of people because there is no training on these subjects in schools. People who work long hours and cheap do not want to spend their time and money on such events. There is less activity because people do not prefer it. Not enough theaters, concerts, exhibitions can be organized. Society is moving away from art. My suggestion on this subject is that more state-supported art institutions and halls should be established. people should not worry about money at least. Art education should be given from an early age and every member of the society should be intertwined with art.
In these days and age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money as such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
tecnology
, science and business.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
that is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
lessons are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. Second of all, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is not a basic need, it cannot find field in daily life. In this manner,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
curiosity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
education remain among those with financial means. I will support these two view with arguments in the following paragraphs.

Firstly
, my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
view on the matter is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to certain jobs. Perhaps
for this reason
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work in jobs they do not want at all.
For example
; doctor, engineer, teacher, business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
are concerned
about the future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a country with low prosperity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
goal is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their basic needs.
Because of this
reason, classes focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and creativity are not available in my country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
also
triggers creative thinking and creative thinking is a huge need in a
rapidly
changing world. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more innovative decisions in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and revise their curriculum.

Secondly
, I
strongly
opine that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who go to concerts, exhibitions, theater and movies in their daily life. It does not attract the attention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no training on these subjects in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who work long hours and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
do not want to spend their time and money on such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. There is less activity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not prefer it. Not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
theaters, concerts, exhibitions can
be organized
. Society is moving away from art.

My suggestion on this subject is that more state-supported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
institutions and halls should
be established
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
should not worry about money at least.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
education should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
from an early age and every member of the society should
be intertwined
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
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IELTS essay Art considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art end turn their focus to science, technology and business. What do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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