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Argument: Some people think traditional games are better than modern games in helping children develop their abilities. To what extent do you agree?

Argument: Some people think traditional games are better than modern games in helping children develop their abilities. VDaQ
In this modern era, there has been discussion among people that traditional games are actually better than the modern games in developing childrens abilities. I am the part of both worlds, where I have seen traditional games as well as modern games. I believe traditional games are more helpful in growing children’s skills in terms of mind as well as physical. In the past, children used to play traditional games more like physical games like cricket, kabaddi, hide n seek, etc. Although, there was no technology, children developed all skills with time. For example, there are so many famous cricketers like Don Bradmon, Sachin Tendulkar, who grew up playing traditional games, as a result they developed tactics to play which kind of shot to which type of ball. With the tactics, they were continuously involved in physical training to be fit for the game. Also, in traditional times, children used to plan to gather and play with friends, neighbors, family leading to develop social skills, where as modern times are lost into their online world of games, In this present times of technology, there are thousands of gaming developers who put their effort to develop some innovative games which will help children in developing skills in some way or the other. Though they have easy accesss to improve their tactic skills in online world, but they are leaving traditional games far behind. There is zero physical training to maintain their body leading to laziness as well as health problems. For example, children these days are so involved in their smartphones, they are damaging their eyes by continuously looking at their screen, as a result they have to wear spectacles. Almost, 60% of children of this generation are wearing glasses according to research done by Medical Council of Canada. In conclusion, I believe children these days should take advantage of the techonology by giving only specific time to the online games and giving special time to focus on their their health fitness which can improve their overall personality.
In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
era, there has been discussion among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are actually better than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in developing
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
abilities. I am the part of both worlds, where I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are more helpful in growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in terms of mind
as well
as physical.

In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
more like physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like cricket,
Possible spelling mistake found.
kabaddi
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
n seek, etc. Although, there was no technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
developed all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
cricketers like Don
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bradmon
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
, who grew up playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
as a result
they developed tactics to play which kind of shot to which type of ball. With the tactics, they were
continuously
involved in physical training to
be fit
for the game.
Also
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to plan to gather and play with friends, neighbors, family leading to develop social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
are lost
into their online world of games,

In this present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
of technology, there are thousands of gaming developers who put their effort to develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
innovative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
way or the other. Though they have easy
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "accesses", the plural form of the noun 'access'?
accesss
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their tactic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in online world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
far behind. There is zero physical training to maintain their body leading to laziness
as well
as health problems.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
these days are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
involved in their smartphones, they are damaging their eyes by
continuously
looking at their screen,
as a result
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wear spectacles. Almost, 60% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of this generation are wearing glasses according to research done by Medical Council of Canada.

In conclusion
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
these days should take advantage of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
techonology
by giving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to the online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and giving special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to focus on
Possible typo: you repeated a word
their their
health fitness which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
overall
personality.
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IELTS essay Argument: Some people think traditional games are better than modern games in helping children develop their abilities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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