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Argue for or against the following statement: Having unlimited access to information on the internet is a positive thing for people. (Note: you must choose a side)

Argue for or against the following statement: Having unlimited access to information on the internet is a positive thing for people. (Note: you must choose a side) KyJ6R
Moving towards a multitude of revolutionary breakthroughs in technology like 5G and advanced artificial intelligence, information has become more widespread than ever before. A child with access to the Internet could possibly be one of the most well-informed living beings on the planet. One can easily visualise the monumental power that can be acquired simply by having access to information. With that in mind, it is hard to imagine a hypothetical world where the free dissemination of all information is legalised. The sheer economical damage and the privacy concerns that will inevitably come around as a result stretches far beyond what humanity can handle. To start off, a very simple rivalry to take into account for this argument is the everlasting war between Pepsi and Coca-Cola. Their company secrets, their marketing strategies, their fomulae are all unique to their individual organisations and is not something that the public and especially the rivalling company should be meddling with. These two companies would nullify each other, making it completely meaningless to run simultaneously. With unlimited access to information, there would not be a need for these services to co-exist and eventually they would all collapse into a complete mess without appropriate intervention. There would no longer be any diversity between the services made available to us since all information is now completely exposed to the general public. Everything would then be condensed into a single entity that governs over our life since there would no longer be a need for multiple of the same service to co-exist in such a world. On an individual level, it is easy to say that the mentioned impacts are not of concern but in fact, most people will become unemployed. There will be only be a need for scientists who discover new information and engineers who will be utilising these new information on enhancing our lifestyles. It is quite safe to say that economically, the world will start to collapse and as an individual living in this world, you will soon follow. Another substantial point to bring to the table is privacy and security. The reason that so many of us have passwords or locks on our different social media accounts is to protect what we believe is personal information that we can control. The level of exposure of these information is something we get to fully manipulate. All of a sudden, society has made all information available to everyone and everything you wish to be your own is fully exposed to the rest of the world. The enormous impact this notion would have on every single person is unimaginable. Your bank account, your address, your meals that you post on social media are all over the Internet and can be accessed by anyone whenever they want. That is a terrifying thought and nobody would want to live in such a world. Furthermore, new forms of cyber crime an corruption will come into being and it is more dangerous than everything we have experienced in recorded history. If hackers find a way to make themselves anonymous in this world, or if governments make themselves invisible to the general public to spy on our lives, everyone would be beyond miserable. If unlimited access to information becomes available, we will never be able to experience privacy, or to put it simply, we will never be able to live our own lives. To bring this argument to a close, this essay has brought forth two out of the many detrimental effects that the free spread of information would have on our society. It is clear that the world would not be able to function as it is now and we must adapt to a horrible reality as elaborated above. There is not much to be said, the notion can be tempting at first but the drawback is not something humanity will ever be ready for
Moving towards a multitude of revolutionary breakthroughs in technology like 5G and advanced artificial intelligence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
has become more widespread than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. A child with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to the Internet could
possibly
be one of the most well-informed living beings on the planet. One can
easily
Possible spelling mistake. 'visualise' is British English.
visualise
the monumental power that can
be acquired
simply
by having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. With that in mind, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to imagine a hypothetical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
where the free dissemination of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
Possible spelling mistake. 'legalised' is British English.
legalised
. The sheer economical damage and the privacy concerns that will
inevitably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
around
as a result
stretches far beyond what humanity can handle. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
off, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
simple rivalry to take into account for this argument is the everlasting war between Pepsi and Coca-Cola. Their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
secrets, their marketing strategies, their
Possible spelling mistake found.
fomulae
are all unique to their individual
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
and is not something that the public and
especially
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
rivalling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
should be meddling with. These two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
would nullify each other, making it completely meaningless to run
simultaneously
. With unlimited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, there would not be a need for these services to co-exist and
eventually
they would all collapse into a complete mess without appropriate intervention. There would no longer be any diversity between the services made available to us since all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
completely exposed to the
Consider using "public".
general public
. Everything would then
be condensed
into a single entity that governs over our life since there would no longer be a need for multiple of the same service to co-exist in such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. On an individual level, it is easy to say that the mentioned impacts are not of concern
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in fact, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will become unemployed. There will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be a need for scientists who discover new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and engineers who will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
these new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on enhancing our lifestyles. It is quite safe to say that
economically
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to collapse and as an individual living in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, you will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
follow.

Another substantial point to bring to the table is privacy and security. The reason that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us have passwords or locks on our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
social media accounts is to protect what we believe is personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
that we can control. The level of exposure of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is something we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
fully
manipulate. All of a sudden, society has made all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
available to everyone and everything you wish to be your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
is
fully
exposed to the rest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. The enormous impact this notion would have on every single person is unimaginable. Your bank account, your address, your meals that you post on social media are all over the Internet and can
be accessed
by anyone whenever they want.
That is
a terrifying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
and nobody would want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Furthermore
, new forms of cyber crime
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
corruption will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into being and it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
than everything we have experienced in recorded history. If hackers find a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
themselves anonymous in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, or if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
themselves invisible to the
Consider using "public".
general public
to spy on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, everyone would be beyond miserable. If unlimited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
becomes available, we will never be able to experience privacy, or to put it
simply
, we will never be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. To bring this argument to a close, this essay has brought forth two out of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
detrimental effects that the free spread of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
would have on our society. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
would not be able to function as it is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
now and
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
adapt to a horrible reality as elaborated above. There is not much to
be said
, the notion can be tempting at
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the drawback is not something humanity will ever be ready
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
for

IELTS essay Argue for or against the following statement: Having unlimited access to information on the internet is a positive thing for people. (Note: you must choose a side)

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
645 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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