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Are Television And Video Gamed harmful?

Are Television And Video Gamed harmful? 3xqgn
Some people believe that violence that is broadcasted in televisions and video games have a brutally bad influence on kids, while the others believe that it has nothing to do with damaging them. I think that it surely has a hand in effecting the mentality of these kids due to several reasons. First of all, it normalizes violence. Making violence a common material on TVs and video games leads to violence being a normal thing. As a result, violence is going to spread widely between our kids making them living in a brutal world. They will be fragile and fearful kids who don’t please the success criteria of the world. Second of all, it develops a severe mental issues which causes these kids to be troubled. When kids feel that they are living in a place where stronger people are privileged and are more likely to win everything without any effort, that will lead to an inevitable breakdown. These kids are more likely to develop General Anxiety Disorder due to the fact that they are always in danger. To sum things up, everything in this world has its pros and its cons, but you are the one who decide how to benefit of them. Computer and video games are a double-edged sword, so make this sword work for your own good.
Some
people
believe that
violence
that
is broadcasted
in televisions and video games have a
brutally
bad
influence on
kids
, while the others believe that it has nothing to do with damaging them. I
think
that it
surely
has a hand in effecting the mentality of these
kids
due to several reasons.

First of all
, it normalizes
violence
. Making
violence
a common material on TVs and video games leads to
violence
being a normal thing.
As a result
,
violence
is going to spread
widely
between our
kids
making them living in a brutal world. They will be fragile and fearful
kids
who don’t
please
the success criteria of the world.

Second of all, it develops a severe mental issues which causes these
kids
to
be troubled
. When
kids
feel that they are living in a place where stronger
people
are privileged
and are more likely to win everything without any effort, that will lead to an inevitable breakdown. These
kids
are more likely to develop General Anxiety Disorder due to the fact that they are always in
danger
.

To sum things up, everything in this world has its pros and its cons,
but
you are the one who decide how to benefit of them. Computer and video games are a double-edged sword,
so
make
this sword work for your
own
good
.
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IELTS essay Are Television And Video Gamed harmful?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
221 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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