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Are human actions making the earth a worse place?

Are human actions making the earth a worse place? Dwy9a
Human activity has its cons and pros. Some might think that the human activity of advancement in technology made the world better place to live. However, from my point of view, human activity has damaged the Earth nowadays. First of all, the serious problem is “the greenhouse effect”. It is more obvious in recent years. Icebergs in the South and North Pole is melting and the ocean level becomes higher than before. Human activities decrease forests and increase the usage of fules so that carbon dioxide is being output and there are not enough plants to absorb it. Secondly industries occupy many places where animals and plants live. More and more industrial parks are built and forests are becoming less and less. Moreover industries need plenty of resources including minerals, fules and water. Especially in the big cities such as Ho Chi Minh and Ha Noi, the air is seriously polluted because of the development of urbanization and population explosion. Most people use personal vehicles to get around. So the air quality is always at a bad level. Although we have advanced machines and our life seems to be more comfortable than before, we have less chance to approach the nature and limited space to live. From the above statement, we can conclude that human activities bring the Earth many damages. Fortunately people have recognized the problem and I believe that the Earth will become a better place to live with our ceaseless efforts to protects the environment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
has its cons and pros.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
of advancement in technology made the world better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
However
, from my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
has damaged the Earth nowadays.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the serious problem is “the greenhouse effect”. It is more obvious in recent years. Icebergs in the South and North Pole is melting and the ocean level becomes higher than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
decrease forests and increase the usage of
Possible spelling mistake found.
fules
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that carbon dioxide is being output and there are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
plants to absorb it.

Secondly
industries occupy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places where animals and plants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. More and more industrial parks
are built
and forests are becoming less and less.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
industries need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of resources including minerals,
Possible spelling mistake found.
fules
and water.

Especially
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities such as Ho Chi Minh and Ha
Possible spelling mistake found.
Noi
, the air is
seriously
polluted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the development of urbanization and population explosion. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
personal vehicles to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
around.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the air quality is always at a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
level. Although we have advanced machines and our life seems to be more comfortable than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, we have less chance to approach the nature and limited space to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

From the above statement, we can conclude that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
bring the Earth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
damages.
Fortunately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have recognized the problem and I believe that the Earth will become a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with our ceaseless efforts to protects the environment.
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IELTS essay Are human actions making the earth a worse place?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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