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Are celebrities more famous for their glamour and wealth setting a bad example you young people

Are celebrities more famous for their glamour and wealth setting a bad example you young people qRQKX
Nowadays, young people have a tendency to copy the lifestyle of famous celebrities. The more famous they are for their glamour and wealth, more negatively it affects the youth. In my opinion, I completely agree about the bad influence it brings towards today's generation. First of all, most of the time celebrities present themselves in luxury and elegance, youngsters get fascinated by it and they will forget to appreciate and love themselves. Generally, It is impossible to achieve the standards they set consequently make most of the people insecure about thier appearance and status. For example, almost all females models and actresses who are popular worldwide promote a certain type of body image, due to that teenagers mostly girls force themselves to go into unhealthy diets and sometimes plastic surgeries. However, there are also some instances where they get motivated to lead a healthy lifestyle. Secondly, it creates a myth that you can be happy only if you are wealthy and beautiful. This is because only a few number of celebrities are famous for their talents and accomplishments. Apart from them the others are in fame because of materialistic things they own. The main reason why young people imitate them is because the believe that they will get famous and happy, it can go wrong in many ways. For instance, a famous pop-singer glorified the use of marijuana and drugs through his music and his followers started to use drugs. This brought a negative impact on them and to the society overall. In conclusion, most of the celebrities influence the society in one way or another especially young generation who look up to them and because of that I think it is important for them to present themselves in a way where they encourages youngsters to appreciate what they have and achieve success through hard work and determination.
Nowadays, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a tendency to copy the lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
. The more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
they are for their glamour and wealth, more
negatively
it affects the youth. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence it brings towards
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's generation.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, most of the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
present themselves in luxury and elegance, youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fascinated by
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it and
they will forget to appreciate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
themselves.
Generally
, It is impossible to achieve the standards they set
consequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
insecure about
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
appearance and status.
For example
, almost all females models and actresses who are popular worldwide promote a certain type of body image, due to that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
mostly
girls force themselves to go into unhealthy diets and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
plastic surgeries.
However
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
instances where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
motivated to lead a healthy lifestyle.

Secondly
, it creates a myth that you can be happy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if you are wealthy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
Possible agreement error. The noun number seems to be countable; consider using: "few numbers".
few number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
for their talents and accomplishments. Apart from them the others are in fame
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of materialistic things they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. The main reason why young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
imitate them is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
Did you mean "belief" (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
that they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
and happy, it can go
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
pop-singer glorified the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of marijuana and drugs through his music and his followers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
drugs. This brought a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on them and to the society
overall
.

In conclusion
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
influence the society in one way or another
especially
young generation who look up to them and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them to present themselves in a way where they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "encourage"
encourages
youngsters to appreciate what they have and achieve success through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and determination.
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IELTS essay Are celebrities more famous for their glamour and wealth setting a bad example you young people

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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