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Aquarium and wildlife sanctuaries are seen as sources of Education, Entertainment, and life-saving research. However, confining animals this way is being criticized. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Aquarium and wildlife sanctuaries are seen as sources of Education, Entertainment, and life-saving research. However, confining animals this way is being criticized. VY50D
The perspective that whether animals should be housed in a zoo or not has sparked a heated debate among many. In this essay, I will shed some light on opposing sides of this viewpoint and then provide my own opinion. On the one hand, there are compelling reasons for wildlife to not be kept in zoos. First of all, wild animals are happier in their natural habitats as they can lead their lives by freely roaming around the forest, experiencing the various seasons, and being around other animals. In addition, they will not feel like captives bounded by an area in a zoo. For instance, most wild animals such as lions, tigers, monkeys, et cetera seem more active and healthy in the forest as compared to the cages in zoos. Therefore, they can reap the benefits of nature by not being in confinement. On the other hand, there are some merits to having zoos. The primary benefit is that it can serve as a spectacle for human beings to see many different wild species such as birds, mammals, reptiles, fishes, et cetera all in one place. In addition, people gain immense knowledge of wildlife by observing them closely; indeed, knowledge is wealth. Moreover, wild animals will not be preyed on by their predators by being in zoos. For example, animals are kept apart in a zoo so that one doesn’t feed on another, whereas a lion pride can hunt, kill and consume a zebra in a forest. Having considered a range of arguments, I firmly believe that wild species should not be held in zoos; animals should enjoy their natural habitats and not be kept as captives.
The perspective that whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should
be housed
in a zoo or not has sparked a heated debate among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. In this essay, I will shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on opposing sides of this viewpoint and then provide my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

On the one hand, there are compelling reasons for wildlife to not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in zoos.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are happier in their natural habitats as they can lead their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
by
freely
roaming around the forest, experiencing the various seasons, and being around other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
In addition
, they will not feel like captives bounded by an area in a zoo.
For instance
, most wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
such as lions, tigers, monkeys,
Possible spelling mistake found.
et cetera
seem more active and healthy in the forest as compared to the cages in zoos.
Therefore
, they can reap the benefits of nature by not being in confinement.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits to having zoos. The primary benefit is that it can serve as a spectacle for human beings to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
wild species such as birds, mammals, reptiles, fishes,
Possible spelling mistake found.
et cetera
all in one place.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
gain immense knowledge of wildlife by observing them
closely
;
indeed
, knowledge is wealth.
Moreover
, wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
will not
be preyed
on by their predators by being in zoos.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
apart in a zoo
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that one doesn’t feed on another, whereas a lion pride can hunt, kill and consume a zebra in a forest.

Having considered a range of arguments, I
firmly
believe that wild species should not
be held
in zoos;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should enjoy their natural habitats and not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
as captives.

IELTS essay Aquarium and wildlife sanctuaries are seen as sources of Education, Entertainment, and life-saving research. However, confining animals this way is being criticized.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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