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Animal extinction ( causes and solutions)

Animal extinction ( causes and solutions) r1R22
Destroying animals is a terrible happening. This happen can hurt the cycle of nature. There are many factors for this disaster. For example, when one of the species be extinct, balance in nature be collapses, and some of the species facing a shortage of food. There is no doubt there are multiple causes of animal extinction, but I start with the major of them that that is destroying animal habitats, such as deforesting for use wood or road construction in this case, the lives of animals living in the tree are endangered. Another reason could be hunting animals, by humans for individual use, like making bags and shoes from their skin, making coats from their fur, even some people use the head of animals for decoration. Currently, there are many solutions to tackle this problem what both individuals and governments can do, one of them prevents animals' habitats, by cleaning them from garbages, don’t lighting a fire in them, and don’t permitting construction by governments. Also by not buying products made from animals, we can help by decreasing hunting. In conclusion, the speed of animal extinction be increased and its solution depends on individual and government responsibility.
Destroying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is a terrible happening.
The verb 'happen' is plural. Did you mean: "This happens"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This happen
can hurt the cycle of nature. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors for this disaster.
For example
, when one of the species be extinct, balance in nature be collapses, and
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
species facing a shortage of food.

There is no doubt there are multiple causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
extinction,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with the major of them that
that is
destroying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
habitats, such as deforesting for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
wood or road construction
in this case
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
living in the tree
are endangered
.

Another reason could be hunting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, by humans for individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, like making bags and shoes from their skin, making coats from their fur, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the head of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for decoration.

Currently
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions to tackle this problem what both individuals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can do, one of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
animals' habitats, by cleaning them from
Possible spelling mistake found.
garbages
, don’t lighting a fire in them, and don’t permitting construction by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
by not buying products made from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
by decreasing hunting.

In conclusion
, the speed of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
extinction
be increased
and its solution depends on individual and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
responsibility.
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IELTS essay Animal extinction ( causes and solutions)

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
197 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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