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Analysts tell us that many people today feel stressed and think they have insufficient control over their lives. What problems do such feelings cause for people? What remedies could you suggest?

Analysts tell us that many people today feel stressed and think they have insufficient control over their lives. What problems do such feelings cause for people? What remedies could you suggest? o2l3
Most people agree that they constantly feel stressed and do not have enough control over their lives nowadays. I believe there are three main problems, but also some remedies we can adopt. Perhaps the major problem we need to deal with is the issue of mental sickness due to a high pressure and insufficient control over one’s life. Based on a research, over a half of the population said that they always feel lonely and lack a sense of belonging. Thus, the depression and even suicide rate tends to increase steadily in today’s world. A further problem is the negative effects on one’s health from heavy workloads. In other worlds, most people are forced to use their body to the max to finish either work or study. Hence, they often feel overwhelmed not only from the workload but also physical tiredness. Finally, we must consider the issue of high social standards and competitive labor market. For instance, people might get ignored and underestimated if they do not have an undergraduate degree. Turning to possible solutions, probably the most effective measure is to encourage communication, especially in-person conversations. Most people tend to hide their feelings nowadays, and that can lead to serious mental illness. Besides, the government could also set up free consultant service in the community, thus the individuals can get assistance from professional psychologists. A further step would be to encourage individuals involve in sports, especially to join a team or a club. It would not only enhance the overall health condition, but also strength the level of community engagement by meeting new friends. Lastly, social standards should be loosened, at least people should be able to choose their own life style without peer pressures. Overall, the problem caused are both mentally and physically, and the solutions will require combined actions by the government and the individual.
Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that they
constantly
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
control over their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
nowadays. I believe there are three main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
remedies we can adopt.

Perhaps the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
we need to deal with is the issue of mental sickness due to a high pressure and insufficient control over one’s life. Based on a research, over a half of the population said that they always feel lonely and lack a sense of belonging.
Thus
, the depression and even suicide rate tends to increase
steadily
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world. A
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on one’s health from heavy workloads. In other worlds, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their body to the max to finish either work or study.
Hence
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feel overwhelmed not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
from the workload
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
physical tiredness.
Finally
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider the issue of high social standards and competitive labor market.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
and underestimated if they do not have an undergraduate degree.

Turning to possible solutions,
probably
the most effective measure is to encourage communication,
especially
in-person conversations. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
their feelings nowadays, and that can lead to serious mental illness.
Besides
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could
also
set up free consultant service in the community,
thus
the individuals can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
assistance from professional psychologists. A
further
step would be to encourage individuals involve in sports,
especially
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a team or a club. It would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enhance the
overall
health condition,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
strength the level of community engagement by meeting new friends.
Lastly
, social standards should
be loosened
, at least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be able to choose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life style without peer pressures.

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
caused are both mentally and
physically
, and the solutions will require combined actions by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the individual.
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IELTS essay Analysts tell us that many people today feel stressed and think they have insufficient control over their lives. What problems do such feelings cause for people? What remedies could you suggest?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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