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Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible, other want to live along their parents as long as they can. Discuss what will you choose

Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible, other want to live along their parents as long as they can. Discuss what will you choose BJLkj
According to my belief and my naive experience, I think that, irrespective of the wish of the young adults, they should, and infect must leave their parents as soon as possible. As, sooner a person learns to stand on his/ her feet, it will be much better for him/her, because it is very necessary for everyone to learn to look at the people, society and in fact whole world through their own perspective, as only then they will learn to live in the world comfortably and get success. Every time I hear about the " standing on your own feet" in the world, the words started to buzz in my mind from a movie. The name of the movie I actually don't remember, but the words, I do. In this movie a father is giving a lecture to his son and said " this world is not a sunshine and rainbows, it is a very rude and a nasty place, and it will beat you down on your knees if you don't strive and don't speak for you own, and you have to learn all this if you want to succeed" . And these ability of speak and strive cannot be learned by staying with and getting help from parents. For explaining this deeper I want yo give an example from my own life. When I was in middle school, I was being bullied by seniors. My life became so miserable that I was terrified to go to school. When my parents get to know al about this, the changed my school in 9th grade and put me in boarding school. I was even more terrified about that decision, but my father said that you will have no problems in new school, " I will take care of everything, but in the end you have to fight this world alone when we will not around" . It kind of encouraged me to move farther by defeating all the problems in life. Since then I am living away form my parents, and now I have ability of doing best in any situation, and also this is the reason why my principal acknowledged me in my recommendation as persistent and a person with the quality of go-getter. So, these are the reasons I think that a person must leave his/her parents, though not end relationship, obviously, with them, in order to get success in life.
According to my belief and my naive experience, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, irrespective of the wish of the young adults, they should, and infect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible. As, sooner a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learns
to stand on his/ her feet, it will be much better for him/her,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary for everyone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to look at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, society and in fact whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
through their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Comparison is written 'as only "as"'.
then
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
comfortably
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
success. Every time I hear about the
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; standing on your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Possible spelling mistake found.
feet&quot
; in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, the words
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to buzz in my mind from a movie. The name of the movie I actually don't remember,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the words, I do. In this movie a father is giving a lecture to his son and said
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is not a sunshine and rainbows, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rude and a nasty place, and it will beat you down on your knees if you don't strive and don't speak for you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, and you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
all this if you want to
Possible spelling mistake found.
succeed&quot
;
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
And
Did you mean "this ability" or "these abilities"?
these ability
of speak and strive cannot
be learned
by staying with and getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from parents.

For explaining this deeper I want
Did you mean "to", "you" or "your"?
yo
give an example from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. When I was in middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I was
being bullied
by seniors. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
miserable that I
was terrified
to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. When my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know
Possible spelling mistake found.
al
about this, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in 9th grade and put me in boarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. I was even more terrified about that decision,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my father said that you will have no problems in new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; I will take care of everything,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
fight this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
alone when we will not
Possible spelling mistake found.
around&quot
;
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
It kind of encouraged me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
farther by defeating all the problems in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Since
The comma is probably missing here: "then, I".
then I
am living away form my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I have ability of doing best in any situation, and
also
this is the reason why my principal acknowledged me in my recommendation as persistent and a person with the quality of go-getter.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, these are the reasons I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, though not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
relationship,
obviously
, with them, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
success in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible, other want to live along their parents as long as they can. Discuss what will you choose

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
403 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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