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An increasing number of people have permission to the technologies and the majority of children like playing different games through the innovations.

An increasing number of people have permission to the technologies and the majority of children like playing different games through the innovations. DkdW
An increasing number of people have permission to the technologies and the majority of children like playing different games through the innovations. I suppose that such a tendency has both benefits and drawbacks, which this essay will discuss. One of the advantages is that by playing games users would be able to enhance their communication skills. It is undoubtedly that instead of playing alone, most of the children prefer enjoying a game with a group of people, which may help them to communicate with their peers. According to studies conducted by Oxford University, approximately 65% of gamers who talked to the teammates through video games improved their skills in communication. Improving language skills is another benefit. By developing the technologies, scientists made various games that languages may be changed. If children replace the game’s language from native to foreign, they will be able to enhance their knowledge. To illustrate, by talking and practicing in the studying language, users would not be needed at any courses. Having some health issues is one of the disadvantages. Because of sitting in front of monitors for hours, gamers might have some problems with health. As an example, those who stayed at night playing games are likely to have poor sleep and vision loss. Most gamers prefer spending time using smartphones and computers, which may negatively affect their school performance. As the studies performed in one of the Kazahstan cities shows, about 80% of children who played video games without parental control, had problems with their grades and subjects. In conclusion, although such a trend has some benefits, namely good interaction with others and developed language knowledge, there are still such drawbacks as receiving health issues and poor performance at school.
An increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have permission to the technologies and the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
through the innovations. I suppose that such a tendency has both benefits and drawbacks, which this essay will discuss.

One of the advantages is that by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
users would be able to enhance their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. It is
undoubtedly
that
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
alone, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
prefer enjoying a game with a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to communicate with their peers. According to studies conducted by Oxford University, approximately 65% of gamers who talked to the teammates through video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in communication. Improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
is another benefit. By developing the technologies, scientists made various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
replace the game’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
from native to foreign, they will be able to enhance their knowledge. To illustrate, by talking and practicing in the studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, users would not
be needed
at any courses.

Having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health issues is one of the disadvantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of sitting in front of monitors for hours, gamers might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems with health. As an example, those who stayed at night
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are likely to have poor sleep and vision loss. Most gamers prefer spending time using smartphones and computers, which may
negatively
affect their school performance. As the studies performed in one of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kazahstan
cities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, about 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who played video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
without parental control, had problems with their grades and subjects.

In conclusion
, although such a trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits,
namely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
interaction with others and developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
knowledge, there are
still
such drawbacks as receiving health issues and poor performance at school.
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IELTS essay An increasing number of people have permission to the technologies and the majority of children like playing different games through the innovations.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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