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An increasing number of people are changing their careers. What are the reasons? Do you think it is positive or negative for the society?

An increasing number of people are changing their careers. What are the reasons? Do you think it is positive or negative for the society? 3kOJ
Recent days, more and more people are shifting their jobs and this has become the debatable topic of the contemporary society. Before providing my own opinion upon this issue, I would like to analyze some possible reasons that have contributed to this issue first. This trend may involve same factors. The most essential reason is that people find out that their careers are not suitable for them. The education nowadays tends to be exam-oriented, and thus, many youngsters are not able to discover their talents and aptitudes before jumping into the labor market. Therefore, in most cases, individuals are likely to dissatisfy with their occupation, leading them to change their jobs. Another reason is that people has get rid of financial problem as the economy grows. Consequently, they desire to have their dream jobs or work in the filed they are interested in instead of forcing themselves to continue the unsuitable careers. Personally, I am strongly convinced that this phenomenon is bringing positive effect on the modern society. To begin with, there is a high chance of people becoming more successful. Since they are satisfied with their jobs, their efficiency of work will be improved. Moreover, changing of careers can provide an opportunity to interact with diverse people, allowing individuals to nurture various skills, such as social and communication skills, and share unique ideas together. Apart from that, it might also be noted that the quality of people’s life will be increased. Working in a company that does not appeal to you can result in a blend life. However, when people shift their occupation into the one they are fascinated with, they can enjoy their work rather than feeling dull. In conclusion, unsuitable careers and dissatisfaction of one’s jobs are the root causes of this issue. For my part, I think this change has brought advantages to the society since people are more likely to success in their field and their living standard can improve.
Recent days, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are shifting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and this has become the debatable topic of the contemporary society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
providing my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion upon this issue, I would like to analyze
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible reasons that have contributed to this issue
first
.

This trend may involve same factors. The most essential reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find out that their careers are not suitable for them. The education nowadays tends to be exam-oriented, and
thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters are not able to discover their talents and aptitudes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
jumping into the labor market.
Therefore
,
in most cases
, individuals are likely to dissatisfy with their occupation, leading them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. Another reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of financial problem as the economy grows.
Consequently
, they desire to have their dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
or work in the filed they
are interested
in
instead
of forcing themselves to continue the unsuitable careers.

Personally
, I am
strongly
convinced that this phenomenon is bringing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on the modern society. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is a high chance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
becoming more successful. Since they
are satisfied
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, their efficiency of work will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
Moreover
, changing of careers can provide an opportunity to interact with diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, allowing individuals to nurture various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, such as social and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and share unique
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
together. Apart from that, it might
also
be noted
that the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life will
be increased
. Working in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that does not appeal to you can result in a blend life.
However
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
shift their occupation into the one they
are fascinated
with, they can enjoy their work
rather
than feeling dull.

In conclusion
, unsuitable careers and dissatisfaction of one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are the root causes of this issue. For my part, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has brought advantages to the society since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more likely to success in their field and their living standard can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.
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IELTS essay An increasing number of people are changing their careers. What are the reasons? Do you think it is positive or negative for the society?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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