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An increasing number of people are changing their careers. What are the reasons? Do you think it is positive or negative? v.2

An increasing number of people are changing their careers. What are the reasons? Do you think it is positive or negative? v. 2
s society develops, more people are switching their careers than before. This essay will discuss the reason why job hopping has become the norm, and then state that on the whole, this is a very welcome development. The main cause of these career changes is that a lot of people had not made informed decisions when choosing their occupations, thus having wrong career from the start. This is because numerous graduates only focused on employment prospects and payment that they neglected to review their own interests and aptitudes. Another reason is due to lifestyle changing, in which case people add or decrease working hours to meet their families’ needs. For example, many parents have to look for a more “family friendly” occupation to make time for the children. Conversely, some others who may be the sole breadwinner of a family must switch to a higher paying job in order to support their families, especially when the job outlook in their field has worsened. Although changing one’s career does seem to have some negative influences to a person’s development. For example, a person can be financially insecure for a while since it takes a long time to fully mature in a position. It is still considered to be an overall positive impact. First of all, people who do not stick to one field provide diverse experience as well as bring more passion to their new companies. Whereas if people keep staying at one working place even when they have lost all passion for the job or the strain has become too much that it affects their well-being, the results can only be counterproductive. Furthermore, countless people move from working for someone else to working for themselves as an entrepreneur each year. By doing that, more jobs are created. To conclude, a lot of factors can contribute to more people contemplating a change of careers, and it is generally advantageous as long as people plan carefully before they make the switch.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
s
society develops, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are switching their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. This essay will discuss the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
hopping has become the norm, and then state that
on the whole
, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
welcome development.

The main cause of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had not made informed decisions when choosing their occupations,
thus
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
numerous graduates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focused on employment prospects and payment that they neglected to review their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interests and aptitudes. Another reason is due to lifestyle changing, in which case
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
or decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families’
needs.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
look for a more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“family
friendly” occupation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
time for the children.
Conversely
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others who may be the sole breadwinner of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
switch to a higher paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in order to support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
,
especially
when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
outlook in their field has worsened.

“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
changing one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
does seem to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences to a person’s development.
For example
, a person can be
financially
insecure for a while since it takes a long time to
fully
mature in a position. It is
still
considered to be an
overall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not stick to one field provide diverse experience
as well
as bring more passion to their new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. Whereas if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
staying at one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
place even when they have lost all passion for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or the strain has become too much that it affects their well-being, the results can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be counterproductive.
Furthermore
, countless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for someone else to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for themselves as an entrepreneur each year. By doing that, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are created
.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
factors can contribute to more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contemplating a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
, and it is
generally
advantageous as long as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
plan
carefully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the switch.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay An increasing number of people are changing their careers. What are the reasons? Do you think it is positive or negative? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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