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Although in some countries, people motivate young ones to find part time jobs but some don’t agree with this. In my opinion, it should be fully dependent on the age of the child.

Although in some countries, people motivate young ones to find part time jobs but some don’t agree with this. In my opinion, it should be fully dependent on the age of the child. yNbml
Although in some countries, people motivate young ones to find part time jobs but some don’t agree with this. In my opinion, it should be fully dependent on the age of the child. On one hand, humans are encouraging children to choose short term occupation which can help them to earn money. It will make them understand value of hard work. Moreover, they will learn to manage and save money to fulfill their dream and financial needs. For instance, teenagers, at an early stage can acquire a skill to deal with peer ones and enhance their communication skills. While studying, they can also experience work life which will help them in future life. On the other hand, people believe not to inspire them to work while they are getting their academic education. In developing countries, child labor and exploitation are widely visible which can affect their health and studies. Furthermore, Employees also provide negligible wages and force them to do illegal work which is not acceptable. Students ought to focus only on schooling to get better result in future. As good academic score can benefit them to get quality and satisfactory job. In my belief, One should prefer to do short term or not, it completely based on age group of pupil. I totally agree that young ones should only focus on their learning while teenagers can choose to work partly to gain some experience IN conclusion, I would suggest growing childern to concentrate on their academic education but teens can explore short time jobs to get some glimpse on outer job market.
Although in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
motivate young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
to find
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this. In my opinion, it should be
fully
dependent on the age of the child.

On one hand, humans are encouraging children to choose short term occupation which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to earn money. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them understand value of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Moreover
, they will learn to manage and save money to fulfill their dream and financial needs.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, at an early stage can acquire a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to deal with peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
and enhance their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. While studying, they can
also
experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
life which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in future life.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe not to inspire them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
while they are getting their academic education. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, child labor and exploitation are
widely
visible which can affect their health and studies.
Furthermore
, Employees
also
provide negligible wages and force them to do illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which is not acceptable. Students ought to focus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on schooling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better result
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
academic score can benefit them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
quality and satisfactory job.

In my belief, One should prefer to do short term or not, it completely based on age group of pupil. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on their learning while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
can choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
partly to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experience

IN conclusion
, I would suggest growing
Possible spelling mistake found.
childern
to concentrate on their academic education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
teens can explore short time jobs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
glimpse on outer job market.
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IELTS essay Although in some countries, people motivate young ones to find part time jobs but some don’t agree with this. In my opinion, it should be fully dependent on the age of the child.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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