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ALL STUDENTS SHOULD STUDY ART AND MUSIC IN SCHOOL TO WHAT EXTEND DO U AGREE AND DISAGREE?

ALL STUDENTS SHOULD STUDY ART AND MUSIC IN SCHOOL b3NAQ
Although I agree that every student in the school have to learn art and music, I think that it is not necessarily important. In this essay I will explain my perspectives of studying arts and music. Firstly, in the current world there is a lot of stress on the people, to overcome that people should have some diversions from their regular lifestyle. To compensate that most people have some relaxation and spare some of their valuable time on their hobbies. Most people loves painting, drawing and acting, learning such activities in the school will definitely makes people to think creatively and gives some pleasure for their life. Most people likes to listen music and humming while listening to songs, people feel relaxed and calm and there is a great future for people who wants to pursue their carrier in music. So, it is best if the students have some basics from their childhood and it may route their interest in art and music to further achievements for carrier. On the other hand many students do not wish to learn arts and music, because they might not be interested in these routes for establishing their carrier and some students think they might not have much creativity to pursue and survive in these studies. So, schools should segregate the students who had interest in art and music, so that they can more concentrate on that group of students and making the students who are not interested to sit in those classes may disturb their chances and concentrating on their interested subjects. To conclude, it is good to make students learn basics on art and music, but it may not be appropriate to all the students. So understanding the interest of students and teaching is important.
Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in the school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn
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art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is not
necessarily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. In this essay I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my perspectives of studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and music.

Firstly
, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on the
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people
, to overcome that
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people
should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diversions from their regular lifestyle. To compensate that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relaxation and spare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their valuable time on their hobbies. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
loves
painting, drawing and acting, learning such activities in the school will definitely
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "make"
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
creatively
and gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pleasure for their life. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
likes
to listen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and humming while listening to songs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel relaxed and calm and there is a great future for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "want"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
wants
to pursue their carrier in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is best if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basics from their childhood and it may route their interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to
further
achievements for carrier.

On the other hand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not wish to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they might not
be interested
in these routes for establishing their carrier and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they might not have much creativity to pursue and survive in these studies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, schools should segregate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who had interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can more concentrate on that group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are not interested to sit in those classes may disturb their chances and concentrating on their interested subjects.

To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn basics on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it may not be appropriate to all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
understanding the interest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and teaching is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
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IELTS essay ALL STUDENTS SHOULD STUDY ART AND MUSIC IN SCHOOL

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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