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All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity.This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled?

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled? pQA2
Recently, Experts found out that there has been surge in number of people who are becoming overweight. Causes of obesity must be deemed and put down effectively, otherwise our society will suffer from overweight mass and consequently it will stimulate other menacing problems. In this essay I will address about the reasons of obesity and sort out this problem. One of the main motives of obesity is inactiveness. In modern, technology progressed world many people addicted to TV, computer games and social media which is generating sedentary lifestyle. Consequently, we are burning less calories juxtaposed to the normal burning of calorie. Scientists should invent an device that measures how much distance consumer walked or run or were active and government should implement this among fat people Another main reason is overeating. Contemporaneously, due to opulent fast foods and abundant chocolates many people are becoming obese. It was proven by scientist that because of great concentration of carbohydrates, fat and sodium and minor concentration of natural nutrients, vegetables, fruits, physically fit people are becoming obese. We have to create a work out gym for every street and our consequently citizens will not suffer from obesity. A third cause of this problem is social issue. What I mean by this is that not everybody can afford buying healthy foods and exercising in good gyms. Solution to this problem is that government should implement subsidies to healthy foods and consequently natural foods will be cheap and everyone can afford it. To sum up, obesity becomes an increasingly worrying issue affecting to many people. In my opinion, government should take the responsibility for tackling this problem. Action should be taken urgently, otherwise it will stimulate other even more serious problems.
Recently, Experts found out that there has been surge in number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are becoming overweight. Causes of obesity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be deemed
and put down
effectively
,
otherwise
our society will suffer from overweight mass and
consequently
it will stimulate other menacing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. In this essay I will address about the reasons of obesity and sort out this problem.

One of the main motives of obesity is
Possible spelling mistake found.
inactiveness
. In modern, technology progressed world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
addicted to TV, computer games and social media which is generating sedentary lifestyle.
Consequently
, we are burning
Did you mean "fewer calories"?
less calories
juxtaposed to the normal burning of calorie. Scientists should invent
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
device that measures how much distance consumer walked or run or were active and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should implement this among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
people


Another main reason is overeating.
Contemporaneously
, due to opulent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and abundant chocolates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming obese. It
was proven
by scientist that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of great concentration of carbohydrates,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and sodium and minor concentration of natural nutrients, vegetables, fruits,
physically
fit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming obese. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
create a work out gym for every street and our
consequently
citizens will not suffer from obesity.

A third cause of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is social issue. What I mean by this is that not everybody can afford buying healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and exercising in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
gyms. Solution to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should implement subsidies to healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and
consequently
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and everyone can afford it.

To sum up, obesity becomes an
increasingly
worrying issue affecting to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take the responsibility for tackling this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. Action should
be taken
urgently
,
otherwise
it will stimulate other even more serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
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IELTS essay All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
286 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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