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All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affect both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity ? how could it be tacked ?

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affect both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? how could it be tacked? P2ow
Over last few years obesity has become a major problem. Both youngsters and grown-ups in the communities are affected by obesity all around the world. There are some reasons for this rise and solutions to minimize it. First and the major problem is unhealthy diet. Without a decent diet or exercise a person can never be fit. For instance, a person gain more calories by eating and loses less by exercise will only cause increase in obesity. Solving this problem, person can make a diet chart and consume less calories and take more proteins. Second problem is the modern technologies. With the help of modern technologies the burden of workers has been reduced. Taking a case, before the modern technologies and latest equipments the site workers used to walk and run with materials at short distances but with new technologies, they stayed at their cabin and work from there without moving out. In case of these situation, they can avoid the use of technologies and do manual jobs to maintain their health. Last and not the least, these people get obese because of their genetics. There are different type of biological ways by which people get obesity. Some of these are: genetic disorders, lack of sleep, stress eating, pregnancy and many more. Though, some of the problem can be solved with medications. Overall, obesity is spreading all over the world because of unhealthy lifestyle which can be solved with maintaining diet requirement. Modern technologies that can be avoided and some genetics disorders which can be solve with doctors help.
Over last few
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "years'" or "year's"?
years
obesity has become a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. Both youngsters and grown-ups in the communities are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by obesity all around the world. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for this rise and solutions to minimize it.
First
and the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is unhealthy diet. Without a decent diet or exercise a person can never
be fit
.
For instance
, a person gain more calories by eating and loses less by exercise will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cause increase in obesity. Solving this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a diet chart and consume
Did you mean "fewer calories"?
less calories
and take more proteins.

Second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
the burden of workers has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. Taking a case,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and latest equipments the site workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to walk and run with materials at short distances
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
, they stayed at their cabin and work from there without moving out. In case of
Did you mean "this situation" or "these situations"?
these situation
, they can avoid the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and do manual jobs to maintain their health.

Last and not the least, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
obese
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their genetics. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of biological ways by which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
obesity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of these are: genetic disorders, lack of sleep,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
eating, pregnancy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
“Though” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Though
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
can
be solved
with medications.

Overall
, obesity is spreading all over the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of unhealthy lifestyle which can
be solved
with maintaining diet requirement.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
that can
be avoided
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
genetics disorders which can be
Consider using the past participle "solved"?
solve
with doctors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

IELTS essay All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affect both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? how could it be tacked?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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