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All high school students should be encouraged to take part in community service programs. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

All high school students should be encouraged to take part in community service programs. with this statement? 56noN
I strongly believe that joining to volunteer work is an ideal idea for high school students. However, some people think that taking part in unpaid jobs is wasting time. Therefore, I will opine my viewpoint in the below reasons. For the first thing, doing community service programs is a good opportunity for students to improve their soft skills. They can get a numerous useful knowledge from others when doing teamwork. For example, student can learn the way how to express their thoughts in front of lots of people to contribute to a social event. From that point, he becomes more and more self-confident. For the second thing, meeting various people can help students to make friends who have one specific aim to make the community better. Moreover, doing this work might be helpful for their future careers. For instance, if he would like to become a wonderful teacher in the future, he should know how to take care of his students as the way he used to look after his teammates in social work group. Nevertheless, many critics claimed that taking this social service programs is not a good thing. Students have a number of homework, even housework so if they do public activities, they can not handle with their own works. A realistic problem is that students have to take part in the exams at the end of each semester. Therefore, if they ignore the school work, they will face many challenges in their studying. In conclusion, it is undeniable that doing volunteer work to the community has a variety of issues. However, I firmly agree that doing this work has a lot of benefits that overweight its drawbacks. Hence, we should motivate students to care about our society.
I
strongly
believe that joining to volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is an ideal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that taking part in unpaid jobs is wasting time.
Therefore
, I will opine my viewpoint in the below reasons.

For the
first
thing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
community service programs is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "numerous useful knowledge".
a numerous useful knowledge
from others when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
teamwork.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can learn the way how to express their thoughts in front of lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to contribute to a social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
. From that point, he becomes more and more self-confident.

For the second thing, meeting various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends who have one specific aim to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the community better.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
might be helpful for their future careers.
For instance
, if he would like to become a wonderful teacher in the future, he should know how to take care of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as the way he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to look after his teammates in social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
group.

Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
critics claimed that taking this social service programs is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
have
Possible agreement error. The noun homework seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much homework", "a good deal of homework".
a number of homework
, even housework
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they do public activities, they can not handle with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
works. A realistic problem is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the exams at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of each semester.
Therefore
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they will face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
challenges in their studying.

In conclusion
, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to the community has a variety of issues.
However
, I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits that overweight its drawbacks.
Hence
, we should motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to care about our society.
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IELTS essay All high school students should be encouraged to take part in community service programs. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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