Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Do you agree or disagree? All children should be included in a team sport.

All children should be included in a team sport. pRbRD
I firmly agree with the statement that all children should be included in a team sport. The contemporary world is filled with modernization and the technological advancement is rarely providing the kids any opportunity to play outside. Moreover, it is necessary for all children to play in a team for developing healthy body and sound mind. I believe, my propensity can be better understood by the conscientious observation of the modern lifestyle. First of all, team sports are responsible for the orientation of the development of mind and body. As children are in a phase of steady growth and development and many kids hesitate to participate in team sports. So it is very important to clarify them about the benefits of having a strong physical and mental health to handle the stress of the current world, which is possible by the involvement in sports. While playing in a team, usually they tend to apply their mental skill to win, hence it helps them to employ their body parts effectively to achieve the goal for their team. Consequently, the team spirit brings out their social development to indulge in productive activities those are possible by working as a group. Furthermore, thse gradual development plays a indispensable role in their adult life to manage the extreme level of stress caused from the work place or urban society. Secondly, in the present world of advance technology children are becoming inclined more and more to play video games or else spending maximum time in front of the television set or computer. As a result, it leads to obesity and many major health issues those are associated with it. Therefore, if they are encouraged to be included in to team sports, it can be helpful to eliminate obesity worldwide. In addition, video games and other digital activities cause addiction and adverse impact on the mental abilities. Whereas, playing as a team makes the children capable of making appropriate dicision in their life. The power of dicision making further helps them to be succeful adults along with proper physical and mental integration. By the way of conclusion, I would mention that involvement of all children in team sports is not only fruitful for themselves but also for the man kind as a whole in every aspect. There is a famous saying " healthy children, healthy nation" . Hence, the vibrant future of any nation depends upon its kids with the all round development of phycical and mental health.
I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be included
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. The contemporary world
is filled
with modernization and the technological advancement is rarely providing the kids any opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
outside.
Moreover
, it is necessary for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
for developing healthy body and sound mind. I believe, my propensity can be better understood by the conscientious observation of the modern lifestyle.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are responsible for the orientation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of mind and body. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are in a phase of steady growth and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kids hesitate to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to clarify them about the benefits of having a strong physical and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health to handle the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world, which is possible by the involvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. While playing in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
,
usually
they tend to apply their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to win,
hence
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to employ their body parts
effectively
to achieve the goal for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
spirit brings out their social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
to indulge in productive activities those are possible by working as a group.
Furthermore
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
thse
gradual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
indispensable role in their adult life to manage the extreme level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
caused from the work place or urban society.

Secondly
, in the present world of advance technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are becoming inclined more and more to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
video games or else spending maximum time in front of the television set or computer.
As a result
, it leads to obesity and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
major health issues those
are associated
with it.
Therefore
, if they
are encouraged
to
be included
in to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, it can be helpful to eliminate obesity worldwide.
In addition
, video games and other digital activities cause addiction and adverse impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
abilities.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, playing as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
capable of making appropriate
Possible spelling mistake found.
dicision
in their life. The power of
Possible spelling mistake found.
dicision
making
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
succeful
adults along with proper physical and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
integration.

By the way of conclusion, I would mention that involvement of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fruitful for themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
kind as a whole in every aspect. There is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
saying
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, healthy
Possible spelling mistake found.
nation&quot
;
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Hence
, the vibrant future of any nation depends upon its kids with the all round
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
phycical
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay All children should be included in a team sport.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
412 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts
  • 6band
    photo journalism and camera phones.
    The lecture discusses about the role of the camera phones and photography in the world of journalism. Whereas, the reading passage describes about the accessabilty of the photography in any place and any time due to the camera phones and the strong impact of it on the current society. First of all,...
  • 6band
    microcredit and it s failure
    The reading passage is providing an outline about the experiment carried by Muhammad Yunus who was an economist. On the contrary the lecture dscribes the causes of the unsuccefulness associated with microcredit. First of all, although the lecture supports the idea from the passage that it is a good...
  • 6band
    independent essay: learning a foreign language in their own country or in a foreign country
    From my propensity, it is better for anyone to learn a foreign language in their own country rather than in which it is spoken because I can see many advantages of this viewpoint. The contemporary world is becoming a "global village" due to the humonguos information available from different sources....
  • 6band
    integrated essay-miller and urey
    The professor casts serious doubts regarding the research project of origin of life by Miller and Urey d by systematically putting forth three major points those do not support the experiment conducted by the graduate students, although they were on the verge of discovering the truth. First of all,...
  • 6band
    Do you prefer to keep old friends or making new friends?
    "Friendship is god gift". Friends are the most important people in a person's life after their family. In the journey of life we make many friends. Few of them are recent while others are old. Nothing can replace the friendship with your old pals, as you say "Old is gold". Although, a lot of people ...
  • 6band
    that in next 20 years there will be fewer cars on the road?
    Automobiles are considered as the heartbeat of the economy. People use car to go to all the places whether it be office, school or recreational purpose. Consequently the number of cars running on the roads is increasing day by day and scenario is getting difficult in terms of space on the street and...





Get more results for topic:
  • Do you agree or disagree? All children should be included in a team sport.