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Air travel can only benefit the richest people in the world. Ordinary people do not get any advantage with this development of air travel. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Air travel can only benefit the richest people in the world. Ordinary people do not get any advantage with this development of air travel. eNMG
Airways is the fastest means of transportation and it is the greatest invention of science. I disagree with the statement which specifies that only wealthy people could take the benefits of air travel and common people have not any pros of this means of transportation. I shall discuss my views in upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, there are numerous benefits of aircraft to ordinary people. First and foremost is that it provides job opportunity to those people who are financially weak such as air hostess, cabin crew staff etcetra. They enjoy their better life. Secondly, they can transfer their goods like clothes and gifts etcetra to other nations through airways in form of couriers. They do not need to visit there and hence it becomes cost effective and convenient for them. Probing further, common people have a huge profit when tourism increases as most of the people visit other countries they tend to buy a lot of things from there. Hence, local shopkeepers of those nations have a big profit by selling their products to them. For instance, in Amritsar at golden temple many foriegners visit every year and the surrounding shops have a huge profit on these occasions. To conclude, I would reiterate that aircraft is beneficial for both richest as well as common people according to above discussed ways.
Airways is the fastest means of transportation and it is the greatest invention of science. I disagree with the statement which specifies that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could take the benefits of air travel and common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have not any pros of this means of transportation. I shall discuss my views in upcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are numerous benefits of aircraft to ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
First
and foremost is that it provides job opportunity to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
financially
weak such as air hostess, cabin crew staff
Possible spelling mistake found.
etcetra
. They enjoy their better life.
Secondly
, they can transfer their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
like clothes and gifts
Possible spelling mistake found.
etcetra
to other nations through airways in form of couriers. They do not need to visit there and
hence
it becomes cost effective and convenient for them.

Probing
further
, common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a huge profit when tourism increases as most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visit other countries they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things from there.
Hence
, local shopkeepers of those nations have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
profit by selling their products to them.
For instance
, in Amritsar at golden temple
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
foriegners
visit every year and the surrounding shops have a huge profit on these occasions.

To conclude
, I would reiterate that aircraft is beneficial for both richest
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
according to above discussed ways.
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IELTS essay Air travel can only benefit the richest people in the world. Ordinary people do not get any advantage with this development of air travel.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
221 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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