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Agressive and violent video games impact on children's bebehavior the reason why the government should be banned

Agressive and violent video games impact on children's bebehavior the reason why the government should be banned BLX75
It is a common and indisputable fact that bringing up children with reasonable sense in society. Games which are hazardous and dangerous can effect on the caracter of the chidren. In this essay I will give some sentiments why the authority shoud impose a ban to halt them. On the one hand, there are several factors to stop detrimental games. Firstly, children who play or watch games including cybercrime they are in spirit of evil. In this game children learn a number of violence. Take for example, one can not arise interest concerning anything. This game is always to be in her or his mind. They do not tend to study due to playing such kind of games regularly. On the other hand, it is observed a considerable amount of solutions to sort out this issue. The authority is responsilble for growing young generation which indicated the bright future. Strict rules are imposed to reduce these commodities. All in all, if government in need of spiritually advanced children it diminishes to show such games.
It is a common and indisputable fact that bringing up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with reasonable sense in society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
which are hazardous and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
can effect on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
caracter
of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
chidren
. In this essay I will give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sentiments why the authority
Possible spelling mistake found.
shoud
impose a ban to halt them. On the one hand, there are several factors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
detrimental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who play or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
including cybercrime they are in spirit of evil. In this game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn
Possible agreement error. The noun violence seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much violence", "a good deal of violence".
a number of violence
. Take
for example
, one can not arise interest concerning anything. This game is always to be in her or his mind. They do not tend to study due to playing such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
regularly
.
On the other hand
, it
is observed
a considerable amount of solutions to sort out this issue. The authority is
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsilble
for growing young generation which indicated the bright future. Strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
are imposed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
these commodities. All in all, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in need of
spiritually
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
it diminishes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
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IELTS essay Agressive and violent video games impact on children's bebehavior the reason why the government should be banned

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
174 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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